why me

23

"No I would not say that" I said to one.
Ailign and I were in the middle of a therapy session together and it was not going well. The session had started out light, with prompts from one to get me and ailign to at least talk to each other but she seemed to want to crank up the switch all of a sudden hitting on a touchy subject. One had just asked me if I would explain my situation a certian way. A way I did not agree with.
"What would you want to say then to ailign?" She asked.
"I'd want to call him a giant prick for what he did. And that my situation is more like a dark pit i cant get out of with babies looming over me. Horrible ugly alien babies." I say
Well one thing was going well. I was finally going to speak my mind. I was convinced now that I wasn't going to be murdered or tortured, and the whole bearing children thing was happening regardless of what I said. 
"You can not call me a prick" Align interject on my rant.
"Ailign let megan finish what she is saying" One said. I stick my tongue out at him like a child. He just stares at me blank faced and I wonder if he even understand the gesture. Maybe I should flip him off.
He let's out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. "We won't get anywhere if all your going to do is be hostile." He says
"Apologize" I respond and he goes still. Tears form in my eyes.
"Apologize for what you did to me. For what you will do to me." I'm crying my eyes out now at this point, ailign just silently watching me from his chair.
"I'm sorry" He says with senserity "I did not... I did not think my actions would have this much of an impact on you and I apologize."
"Your apology doesn't make me feel better." I say "Your not touching me in the future"
"Were getting off subje...." One starts but ailign holds up a hand, a silent command to be quite.
"It is the queens orders. I do not know what the punishment will be if we do not comply but it will be severe for both of us. Physical pain. Demotions. Torture. I do not know but she has a cruel streak. Well reasses the situation in a month." He whispers out the last part. I let it sink it. Really sink in. My options weren't good.
"And before you start I tried to convince her but she would not budge. That is why you have one month." He says
"Ok" I say
"How can I make this up to you? Let me try." He says
"I want to go home." I simply responded, folding my arms across my chest.
"What else." He asks.
"I want to see jake" more tears flow out of my eyes but I hold my defensive stance.
"That's not healthy for you" one says.
"We have to focus on the present and making the current situation better."
"Then I want to be able to call you whay I want when I want in privacy. Be as vulger as I want without getting punished." I say
"No" he says
"Then fuck off!" I yell getting up from my chair and turning to leave. To fuck with him. Just then I hear shifting, like the shifting of sand, a sign he was morphing into something else, I look behind me and I see his face changing, changing.... into Jake's.
"This is not healthy behaivor." One says again. "This will only set her back."
"Jake" I whisper. I walk up to him and reach out to his face. His skin was so smooth, I continue to caress the subtle texture. His head leans into my touch, he closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale.
I knew he wasn't really Jake but I was so stunned in the moment. Suddenly so full of wonder I couldn't resist touching him. 
"My jake" I say bewildered.
Align is quite as he continues to let me touch him. My hand now going to his hair, slinking my hand through the gorgeous locks. He even got the hair right.
"I know it's not jake" I say to one absently. "But... it's good to see his face." I try to hold back the little bit of tears I feel whelling in my eyes. I was feeling like a cry baby.
"I want you to have sex with me with this face." I suddenly say.
Ailigns eyes shot open and he pulled his head away. Anger lit his eyes and he crossed his arms.
"Over my dead body" He said
"Why not?" I ask
"One is right this isn't healthy for you." He says
"I decide what is healthy or not for myself" I say "and looking at Jake's face can't hurt me"
"You may feel the need to dissasociate ailigns face with your trama but this way is not the healthy way." One says
"Or what I need." I say putting my hands up in infassis "is a different person."
Ailign sighs with Jake's face, and the motion drives ones point home. I didn't want to see ailigns expressions on Jake's face. The cold stare ailign perfected was so alien on Jake's face.
"How about this. We try Jake's face for a short while in appropriate settings." Ailign says
"That's fair" I say "it's easier to yell at you when your jake"
"Did you often abuse him?" Ailign asks
"No I did not! He's just not as terrifying as you." I say
"I'll try to work on that" He said
"You do that" I retort
"Time is up for our therapy session. Would you like to extend it?" One asks
I glare at her. My answer was deffinatly no.
"Were done here. That was... an interesting session." Ailign says
"I kind of figured you wouldn't be for therapy." I say
"Therapy is there to help us connect with ourselves and others. There no shame in that." He says.
"What a normal response." I say
"I'm not a monster megan. What ever you might think." He says
Then why did he feel so much like one.