8 Seconds

Chapter 8 Shane

The following days blurred together too much for my liking. I felt numb, and I wasn't liking it. Sometimes all it takes is a little thunderstorm to rain on your parade. I could tell Allison was catching on to my mood swings. She was more pushy and questionable towards me. Asking how I'm feeling and my pain level. Which wasn't new. But she asked me more frequently over the last couple of days, and it was a bit much. Sure it was her job, but did she really need to be so persistent about it?

After eating her out that night I knew I was becoming something I didn't want to be, but there were no controls over it now. I wanted her all the fucking time. Her scent covered every inch of me, her lips moaning my name like she did. Fuck, I was getting hard thinking about it. The face she made when she hit her orgasm was so angelic, even I was taken aback.

Apparently today was her Zoom call with my doctor, and they were going over my charts she had been sending him over the last - now almost month and a half. Her door was closed when I peered out into the hallway, and it was locked. It has been about two hours now. She had been here over a month and I only had her twice. She was filling a void I was trying not to pay attention to, although it was making its way deep into my nerves. I hated it. I hated the word and how everyone tip-toed about it.

Grief.

The anniversary for my brother was coming up soon, so was the mystery dark cloud, as he would call it. When we were kids, our mother had left us out of the blue. I went to practice riding. When I got back Derek was screaming bloody fucking murder in his room with the door shut, our father was trying to get him out, but give up. Eventually he told me that she had left, and was not sure she was coming back.

I wasn't sure why, but I didn't feel anything for her when he mentioned she left. Derek was closer to her than I was. I was closer to our dad than he was. It wasn't anything personal, it was just how it went. The first few weeks without her were hard, of course for Derek. He scared dad a couple of times cause he wouldnt come out of his room. To eat, to use the bathroom, anything. Derek stayed in his room for three days. Didn't talk to either one of us. I saw him at school, but he was a ghost. One day he was there, and then he just wasn't.

Although the more time I spent in my head, the worse it was going to get. Tossing the covers off of me I stood, to find Liam in my doorway, lips hard and in a line. His arms crossed over his chest. I tensed.

"You were back there weren't you?" Liam breathed, his eyes weary, and worry filled them. Taking a step into my room I turn my torso to him, giving him my attention but not replying.

"I mean, it's okay if you were, Shane. It was a hard time for everyone. Especially you."

Liam shoved his hands into his pockets and sat at the edge of my bed with his back to me. He then pushed forward. "I get how hard grief can be. You of all people would know that. Out of everyone in this house, you are the person who gets it better than anyone."

He wasn't wrong. Around the time Liam joined the team he was in a rough spot, with the wrong people. One thing led to another, and - well here he was. Shoving on some sweatpants, and a hoodie, careful of my brace, I caught him watching me. Yanking my hoodies down and over the brace, I sighed. His eyes swimming with concern and worry, just like that day after the fact.

"I'm fine, Liam. How many times do I have to tell you all to stop looking at me like that?" I clipped, turning on my heel to face him. Liam winced, standing, his forehead coming to my shoulder.

"Can't help it, man. You can say everything and anything you want to, but we all know the outcome of it all." Liam replied.

I scoffed. The outcome of it all?