Oneshot Wonderland

I Lost You in Autumn - Ranchers

 I lost you in autumn.

My rancher. The flame in my heart. The best soulmate I could ever ask for.

To me, what we had wasn't just a game. What we had was special. It was more than just survival and codependency. It was more than the universe linking our hearts. To me, you were everything. But to you, I was a curse. Yet you loved me all the same.

That world is long gone now. Only remembered in the whispers of quiet conversation in the night. No one dares to speak of it because at the end of the day, no one won. Each soul was ripped to shreds by the pains of losing love.

It's easy to die for someone in a game as twisted as that. Easy to lose a life to save what's most precious to you. But to live for someone? That was hard.

Even now that it's over, I can't help but panic a little every time I get hurt. Can't help but worry for the person who can no longer feel my mistakes. And each phantom pain that courses through my veins reminds me of you.

And when I was with you, I was home. Your eyes were embers, melting my heart. Your touch was fire, keeping me safe in the night. Your voice was steam, rising to fog up my brain. When I was with you, I felt warm.

But you're worlds away, and the days are getting colder.

And I'm sorry that it ended like it did.

I lost you in the autumn, and now the winter chills my heart. Each step I take, the ice cracks below me. I can't tell what's going to break first, the ice or me? Or maybe I am broken already.

Snow covers the roof of my house in Tumbletown. The first snowfall is always so pretty, yet so devastating. It shrivels once bountiful gardens, yet replaces them with glittering snowflakes. I tried my best to fight the blizzard, but eventually had to retreat for the day.

My house was icy, its wooden walls doing nothing to keep the cold out. I ran to the fireplace and set some logs, lighting them with a nearby match. The fire engulfed the logs, chasing away the frigid frost around me. I sat near and watched the flames dance, crackling happily. And oh how I cried.

When the wooden walls of our ranch couldn't keep me warm, you were my fire. You were the blaze that kept me safe. 

So on the icy winter nights curled up next to the fireplace, I thought of you.

Yes I thought of you in the winter, but soon winter melted to spring. The buds of flowers popped out of the once dormant ground. Vibrant colors chased away all seasonal depression and filled the world with life. I watched as Tumbletown regained its charm and started to once again feel like home. Each day brought new work. Fixing things that had been broken in snow storms, replanting crops, tending to the horses in the stables. Each day was productive, yet tiring.

One morning I woke up feeling drowsy from work the day before. I pulled myself out of bed, got ready for the day, and decided that I needed a nice cup of tea. I prepped the kettle and hastily put water on the stove to boil. The kettle sang out after a few moments, so I poured its contents into a cup and added the teabag. I sipped on the steaming drink, a pain pulling through my chest.

When I didn't want to get out of bed for the day, you'd lie by my side and tell me everything was alright. You'd pull me in close, keeping me warm. You'd whisper in my ear all about how good I was doing and how you were proud to be my soulmate. 

So on the drowsy spring mornings, sipping my tea, I thought of you.

Yes I thought of you in spring, but soon enough spring flourished into summer. Tumbletown bustled with smiling people, everyone just happy to be alive. I made note to visit other empires and settle trades. It was a busy season. Everything and everyone seemed to move twice as fast. It was a lot for one sheriff to keep track of, but it was familiar. And with every new duty fulfilled my heart lightened.

Amidst all the chaos there were also lazy days. On one of these days, I allowed myself to relax and finally enjoy summer for all that it was. I spent the day with Joel, Scott, and Fwip. For once, we had set aside our petty arguments. We all laid on our backs in Scott's flower fields, soaking up the sweltering summer sun. Each ray shone down, warming my skin. And although I felt a little sad, I couldn't help but smile.

When you and I were tired of just surviving and wanted to actually live for once, we would lay on our backs and let the sunshine caress our cheeks. The serene look on your face as you laid next to me in the cool grass made my heart feel warm. Your smile melted me. And then you kissed me, promising to love me forever.

So on the blazing summer afternoons, laying under the sun, I thought of you.

Yes I thought of you in summer, but soon the winds changed and brought along fall. The leaves fell and crunched beneath my boots as I walked along familiar roads. The crisp air felt fresh in my lungs and the whole world sighed in comfort.

When the weather wasn't temperamental, me and my friends gathered together around a campfire. We laughed with each other, roasting marshmallows until they were puffy and golden. Oli strummed tunes for us, and we all sang along. Here with my friends, I felt at home. I pulled my coat tight around me to save myself from the bitter cold that nipped at my ears and fingertips. And as I took in the tranquil scene before me, I smiled and my heart swelled with joy.

When it was late, you and I sat together laughing, creating ourselves a place that truly felt like home. Your hair was fluffy and golden, and I had brushed it out of your face before pulling you in close for a kiss. Each time you spoke, your voice sang to my heart. You had wrapped your arms tight around me, making sure that I was safe from the cold. Making me feel loved like you promised.

So on that peaceful night, wrapped in warmth, I thought of you.

Yes I thought of you this autumn, but autumn will soon pass.

And just like that, it's been a year. 

I lost you last autumn.

I lost your ember eyes and your fiery touch. I lost your quiet voice, and your comforting whispers that filled my head like steam. I lost the warm cuddles. I lost your sun kissed face. I lost your golden hair and your soft kisses. I lost the gentle hugs. I lost the feeling of home.

I lost you last autumn.

I cried over you in winter.

My heart still ached in spring, but I started to feel better.

Come summer the pain was fainter.

And this autumn it was gone entirely.

All that heartache was replaced by love for the time we had spent together last year. The time when I had your ember eyes and fiery touch. Your warm embraces and soft kisses. The time when you promised to love me. The world where you were mine. 

All year, I thought of you.

It's finally time that I accept fate and move on from the pain.

Because yes, I lost you last autumn,

but you still kept me warm all year.

And now, as I let the past go, I'm finally starting to realize something:

Yes, I may have lost you last autumn,

But my dearest rancher, 

I never truly lost you at all. 

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:)