The last Hollingworth - a Hogwarts Story

Mixed signals

I stayed out of class the whole week after.
I felt like shit.
The guys took turns on keeping me company.
They spend their free periods with me or even skipped classes.

Normally I would scold them but i was so thankful.
I had a hard time being alone.
Tom didn't visit me.

That made everything even more hard.
Because I didn't knew why.
Even after I went back to classes.
He had like vanished.
Pansy couldn't help me so I tried to turn to Mattheo.

After lunch I catched up to him.

„Hey Matty"

He smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

„Hey El. How's my sunshine?"

„Yeah it's ok. Look can I ask you something"

I fiddled with my rings.
He immediately noticed that something was off and stopped walking.

„What's wrong?"

I looked up and sighed.

„Look it sounds weird I know. But do you know if...well no do you know why Tom is ignoring me?"

His eyebrows raised and with a completely puzzled face he stuttered.

„Well...I mean...no. I don't think he is. Is he?"

„Well yes. We haven't talked or met since he literally saved my life and he don't even read my massages."

I looked into Mattheos eyes but he avoided eye contact.
He knew something.

„Mattheo what is it?"

„I mean nothing. I don't know. I haven't spoken to him either. Well I have but not much."

„Mattheo!"

„I only know that he threatened like the whole school that if they would speak about the incident or about you or bother you he would kill them and all their ancestors or something like that. But I don't know more. Really I swear I have no idea"

I sighed.
It was sweet that he did that but why wouldn't he talk to me then?

„Fuck. Well forget it. If he doesn't want to.."

I looked down and sighed.

„Come on. Maybe he's just busy. It's Tom."

I roled my eyes.
He knew exactly that this was a poor excuse.

„I mean he has to talk to you right? He's going to the ball with you"

„Is he? Really? Doesn't seems like it to me."

I clenched my jaw.
The sadness was replaced with frustration and anger.

„Tom is a guy that sticks to his words believe me"

„Yeah but why would I want to go to the ball with someone that doesn't even talk to me? You know what forget it. I shouldn't have asked"

With that I stormed off.
Mattheo was really no help.
Why the hell did I thought I could ask him?
He was still his brother.
I heard him call after me but I ignored him.
I was fuming.

I spend the rest of the day with Enzo.
He was such a sunshine and had always ways to cheer me up.
As we came back from a long walk around the lake I stopped as he went down to the boys dorms.

Enzo had mentioned that I wasn't really fair to Mattheo so I decided to apologise.
I went down and stopped in front of Mattheos door as I heard loud voices from behind.
I was about to go as I recognised Tom's voice.

„It's none of your business Mattheo!"

„Yes it is Tom! You're hurting her. What the fuck is wrong with you"

„I'm doing nothing"

„That's exactly the fucking problem! You avoide her!"

„Where's the problem? I don't have to hang with her 24/7"

„Tom you're acting like a fucking child. You do realise that she is considering not going to the ball. Especially not with you! Get yourself together man"

„What really?"

„Of course! And she's right. Why would she? When you treat her like you don't care. Like she's nothing. Is she just a game for you? Really man"

A painful silence.
I felt tears fill my eyes.
I was so unfair to Mattheo and he still defended me like this.

„No she's not."

„Then what the actual fuck Tom"

„Well I don't know. I don't know how to act. She does things with me. With my mind. With my feelings. She makes me weak and I hate it Mattheo. I don't know how to deal with all of that"

My heart stopped.
I stared at the door in front of me.

„Then find a way to deal with this. Because we both know she's making you a better person. And you really need that mate. I know you think loves makes someone weak. But it doesn't. She sees the good in you. And you treat her like that."

I didn't even wanted to hear his answer to that.
I felt bad for eavesdropping.
I quickly knocked loud on his door.
The silence in the room was painful.

„Mattheo are you there?"

I wanted that they thought I just arrived.
The door opened and Tom stood before me.

Even if I was mad at him I couldn't help but smile. Especially because I didn't wanted to be like him.

„Oh hi Tom"

He stared at me for an awful long time and then stormed past me without a word.
My smile was washed away on instant.

Mattheo appeared in the door and gave me a sad look.

„El"

„No it's ok. I wanted to apologise. I was pretty unfair to you today"

„You don't have to. I know it's hard for you"

„I will be fine. Either he gets his shit together or I have no problem to go to the ball alone. I can still steal your girl"

I joked slightly and smiled.
Mattheo chuckled and smiled.

„Why don't you take someone else? You got asked like a hundred times."

„Because even if he doesn't want me, I don't want someone else. Call me dumb for it. Because I am. But that's just me"

I shrugged.
Mattheos face was so sad.

„Don't look like that. I'm fine. I bet Theo will gladly dance with me"

I winked and laughed.

„Well anyways. Don't worry so much. I'm gonna go sleep. I'm dead ass tired"

I waved him goodbye and walked off.
I took a deep breath.
I walked fast to my room.

As I closed the door behind me and sat on my bed I just stared at the wall.
I couldn't comprehend what I just heard.

So he liked me?
But also not?
What was I to him?
A burden?
A weakness?
Why was that such a bad thing for him?
Or was it me?
Was there something wrong with me?