for a week i didn't see hunter. i started to worry. i called alex and carmen and they didn't know where he was. jenna was no help. no one knew anything. no one knew where he was until one day while i was playing guitar i heard the door open. i thought it was alex because he had been staying over to keep my company but when i walked to the door to see, i saw hunter. i'd never seen him look so out of it. his hair was messy and he looked like he hadn't gotten sleep in days.
"hunter" i said quietly while walking towards him. "where were you"
"i went away for a while"
yeah no shit.
i wanted to say, but i didn't. now i was almost angry. where was he why did he choose to come back now? why did he tell anyone where he was going?
"jenna hasn't come over at all lately or anything. is-"
"jenna broke up with me kim."
oh fuck. i didn't know what to say. i just stood there. before i could say another word alex walked in.
"hunter?" he said surprised. "oh my god" he dropped his stuff and ran to hug him "man i was so worried."
hunter didn't really react.
alex kept talking to him but i wasn't listening. i went back to my room and laid there looking at the wall. everything was changing so much so quick and it was scaring me.
cal came over almost everyday after school unless andre got mad at him, which has been happening a lot lately. don't know why but i think it has to do with something they have been planning for a long time. neither one of them will tell me what it is.
it snowed hard for another week straight. school was canceled wednesday through friday. cal came over on friday and we hung out. we kissed and we hugged and listened to music and talked about movies. i loved him.
around january 10th cal was acting pretty weird. i don't know why but that lasted for another week. we would still see each other but i felt like he had a huge chip on his shoulder and he wouldn't tell me what it was. sometimes he would just kiss me to get me to shut up. it was hot, but i wanted to know what's wrong.
it was cold all of january. cal and i played in the snow before it began to melt. i told cal about how much i hated february because it reminded me of my childhood and how bad it was. i don't know why, i think it was because it was the month i finally realized how much my parents hated each other.
towards the end of february cal and i were talking about sex a lot. sharing our fears and secrets and all of that. i wasn't uncomfortable, i felt like i could tell him anything. we were both virgins and we both knew that about each other.
—
we were in the car with andre. he was taking cal somewhere to get something with him. i remember the first few months of 2001 were very weird. andre and cal acted weird around each other and cal acted all sad for his future.
andre and cal were filming a lot more of their days, cal filmed me a lot and would say things like "i don't think i wanna do it anymore" or "i wanna stay forever" and stuff like that. i don't think he knew i heard him say those things.
towards the end of april things got really weird. it was beginning to be sad all the time. all i would hear from him was how precious life was and that he cherishes it.
by this point my brother was still not over jenna and carman had moved to new york for her fashion career,so basically everything was crumbling apart. i was smoking a lot during this time. i didn't get out of bed a lot. everything was scaring me.
