the last time i saw cal was on the morning on may 1st. i was smoking a cigarette looking out my window and i saw him walking on the way to school. i went to school late that day.
alex came over and told me he would drive me to school since hunter was still in his breakup coma and couldn't do anything.
i got to school at about 10:06 to be met with police outside of the school.
"what the hell" alex would say.
i didn't say anything. i had no idea what was happening. the first thing i thought about was if cal was okay.
i got out of the car and looked around. i was told not to go inside the school. i still had no idea what was happening.
for a moment i thought i heard a gun shot, but i thought i was just imagining things. that was until i heard another shot.
i felt a lump in my throat, almost as if i was going to cry. i walked around the school until i got to the back. there was an unguarded door with a rock holding it open. i thought about going inside for what felt like forever until i ultimately did. i walked upstairs and saw blood, but i didn't know it was blood. i was out of my mind. i had no idea what was around me or if i was dreaming.
i saw someone running, i heard another person crying. it was so quiet other than those sounds. i heard another gun shot. i stood in the middle of the hall not grasping what could be happening in that moment. i suddenly heard footsteps. that's when i saw cal and andre with guns walking my way. i had no reaction. i had nothing to say or to do. i had no way out of this.
i thought the first guy i truly loved was going to kill me.
i stood there like a deer in the headlights. cal and andre were at the end of the hallway staring at me. cal honestly looked just as at loss for words as i was.
i felt heart and stomach drop and my whole body get weak. i tried to stand up normally but it was hard not to just fall to the ground. i stood there and looked at cal and i began to cry. my only thoughts were why why would he do this. why?
i didn't know what emotion i was feeling, scared, sad, angry, confused, or all of those things combined. i couldn't get words to come out of my mouth. every word i tried to say made me feel like i was going to puke.
my crying started to become hysterical and my knees were really started to give out. i was practically screaming, my cries were so loud. i turned around and slowly began to walk towards the end of the hallway. i didn't necessarily lnow where i was going but i just needed to walk away. my hearing got all foggy, and i hear cal calling to me. everything felt like it was going in slow motion and i couldnt escape.
for one short second i felt myself snap back into reality and i ran. i ran back to the door i came from, but when i got there the door was closed and i couldnt get it open.
i covered my face with my hands and felt like crying, but i couldn't. tears would not leave my eyes. i heard another gunshot and i just screamed. i was so scared and hopeless in that moment i didn't even know what to do.
i began to cry, without tears. i was just wailing and quivering. i couldn't get into any rooms and i was so scared. i wanted to pull my hair out. i had no idea what i would do with my life if i got out of this situation.
i sudden heard another gunshot closer to me and footsteps coming my way. i heard cal and andre enter the room i was in. for a moment i thought i heard one of them crying. i peaked out from under the table i was at and saw cal trying to keep his composure as a tear came down his eye.
"cal" i said as i got out from under the table "cal are you gonna hurt me" i cried. "why are you doing this?" i asked
cal shook his head. he said nothing.
andre just looked at me with his gun ready to fire at any moment.
i stood up and looked at cal.
"why" was all i could say out loud.
calvin wouldn't stopped shaking his head back and forth.
"i loved you" i cried out to him "i loved you so much" i said. "oh my god" i said as i was hit with a slight wave of reality once again. "why" i mumbled to myself over and over as i curled back up into a ball on the floor. "well arent you gonna kill me?" i cried, "isnt that what you came here to do"
"yeah it is" andre said before:
bam
he shot at me. the bullet hit my arm and began to bleed. i screamed. cal pushed andre away
"fucking stop it andre!" cal yelled, "i told you! i said i didn't want you to hurt her! anyone but her"
"no do it!" i yelled "thats what you came here for right?!" i choked
before anyone could say anything else i heard movement outside the doors of the school. i looked out the window to see police about to flock inside the building.
andre grabbed cal and went upstairs. i trailed behind them slowly for them not to know i was there.
i sat outside the room they went into. i hear mumbling and a countdown, then i heard cal crying.
"she's never gonna love me again" i heard cals voice cry.
i held my tears in.
"that's why we have to end it" andre says "who cares it's all gonna be over soon anyway"
i still hear cal weeping as i enter the room.
"cal?" i say looking for them
"kim?"
i follow his voice and see him and andre on the ground with the guns turned on them. i begin to cry harder
"what are you doing" i whine. i get down to his level and look him in the eyes. he won't look back. he can't look me in the eyes and it hurts. i kiss his cheek and then his lips. i try anything to get him to look at me but he can't.
"cal why can you look at me? please" i break down. i am shaking and my arm is bleeding and everything feels unreal. "calvin i still love you please just-"
"i love you too" cal said. he looked at andre for a moment.
"but that's why he has to do this" andre said butting in. and then again, that horrible sound of a gunshot rang through my ears. and andre was dead.
i screamed and chocked on my words as i looked down at his body.
"i'll always love you kim, im sorry" calvin said. and then once again. i heard a bang.
and just like that he was gone.
calvin was dead.
he left me so fast.
you never really know how fast that kind of thing can be until you really see it. one moment ago they were saying something to you, and now they are laying in front of you lifeless.
i was distraught. i leaned down to his face and tried to cover the wound, trying to patch it up with my hand like that would do something. i laid on top of him until i heard police coming through the doors of the school. i cried and hugged cals body as i slowly grabbed his gun and aimed it at myself.
and then bang
just like that i was dead. gone forever without a trace.
