To be your ONLY option (Namkook)

Third Person

2013

The satisfaction of chugging down a glass of chilled water after a long run, the joy of having the last slice of pizza, the happiness of finding a long lost watch, the feeling of being lucky to find a currency note in the back pocket of your pants right before putting them in laundry, the smell of the soil after a heavy rain- all gives celestial pleasures to us, but we cannot deny that the feeling of loving someone or being loved is beyond all these!

Jungkook just wanted to keep loving Namjoon even if he was not meant to be in his life. He struggled, yet stable enough to accept the harsh reality. Then why is the whole crumbling down around him to think how Namjoon is cheating on Jimin by pulling this stunt.

I always wanted my first kiss with you hyung!
But I don't want to be a third person in your relationship.
If you are cheating on Jimin hyung, this means I'm helping you in that!
I am not a horrible person! I don't want to be one!
I cannot taint my conscience and dignity for a moment's pleasure!

All the thoughts started raining inside the younger's head while the elder's lips were still in touch with his. It was time to repair the damage when he felt Namjoon's hands snake around his waist. He was wearing a t-shirt, a sweater and a jacket due to the cold climate but still the touch above all these thick fabrics seemed to make him freeze.

With a sense of apprehension, he pushed away the other one. Inspite of being stronger and taller, Namjoon was forced to take a step backward. The push from Jungkook wasn't that hard, it was Namjoon's moral that made him step back.  

Happy New Year!

The crowd cheered, but no one noticed the two heartbroken souls in the corner. One was ashamed of taking advantage of the little boy while the other was ashamed of himself to be a third person in a happy relationship. Anger, disgust, pain, hatred grew inside each of them, but not for the other, it was for their own selves because no matter what, Jungkook can never hate his Namjoon hyung and Namjoon can never hate his little Kookie.

Both opened their mouth to say something, but no word came out. Namjoon's heart splintered into thousand of fragments when he saw Jungkook's beautiful eyes tearing down. Before he could approach him, the boy ran away from the party venue. He followed him till the boy reached his house, but Namjoon didn't have the face to talk to him. He blamed himself for everything and after standing outside Jeons' house for few minutes, he went home without saying anything to the people still at the party.

Jungkook went inside his old room and closed the door. He was having difficulty in catching his breath after all the running. He plunged into the bed with front face touching the pillow, he grasped the pillow cover by his fists and started crying loudly. No one was at home, so his painful sobs will not reach to anyone's ears. But that wasn't the case, his sobs were emotionally reaching to Namjoon who was sitting on the floor of his own room with hands clenching his hair as if trying to feel the pain his Kookie was feeling at that moment.

I'm a monster Kookie!
This is why I didn't visit you in Busan.
I love you so much, yet I hurt you, took advantage of your innocence!
I can never ask for your forgiveness!
What shall I do Kookie?
What shall I do to make everything right between us?

Namjoon doesn't know what happened to him at the hit of the moment. He wanted to feel Jungkook close to him, he loves him, but never for once did he care to ask what the younger actually feels, whether he has any kind of romantic feeling for the elder or it's just a friendly or brotherly affection. He ruined whatever they had in a single moment. He was frustrated at himself.

Agony and repugnance succumbed both the young males, they only needed each other at the moment to comfort, to communicate, to give vent to their feelings. Instead, they were driven to slumber out of exhaustion. The next morning was as painful as it could be.