To be your ONLY option (Namkook)

My Husband

2021 (part 1)

How does it feel to watch the sand castle being washed away by the ocean water that you built with so much effort? Namjoon and Jungkook's relationship was not like a sand castle, it was stronger. They both put their best into it, loyalty, love, care everything was there. Then, what went wrong?

A minute almost passed in a microsecond starting the new year of 2021 when Namjoon had planned to propose. But the scene was very different than expected. Namjooon was just sitting on the floor staring blankly at Jungkook when he entered the room. The diary was still held in his hand. Jungkook doesn't know how it fell on his boyfriend's hands, but the terror of being dishonest to Namjoon was killing him. It felt like someone glued his feet to the floor and his entire body was under a spell.

Namjoon stood up and placed the diary on top of the nightstand. Jungkook couldn't figure out his expression as it looked so blank, maybe an angry expression would bring some relief at that moment rather than an unpredictable one. Namjoon took steps towards his boyfriend who was still standing in the position. When there was only a distance of few inches between them, Jungkook couldn't spot Namjoon anymore.

"I know I am a terrible boyfriend, but I love you so much, love! I cannot live without you. I am a monster who tortured you all this time. I fulfilled my pleasures causing pain to you. You don't deserve this, love!"
This was the first time Jungkook ever seen the big man crying so bad. He was kneeling down hugging Jungkook's waist as if he would lose him if he doesn't hold onto the younger man. The whole circumstances managed to break the spell that was holding Jungkook.

"Joon."
"Joon, you never tortured me, you never caused me pain. You are the best thing that's ever been mine. I was the one who was not being honest with you." Jungkook crouched to Namjoon's level and started sobbing, wrapping his arms around Namjoon's shoulders.
"No, Kookie! I failed you as a boyfriend, as a partner. You went through so much pain. I saw it, yet I thought it was what you liked. I was so ignorant of the depth of your sacrifice."
"Joon, you cared for me more than anyone ever did! You are the reason I like to get up in the morning everyday. You are the reason I dream. I should be blamed for not telling you my truth."

(A.N.: I feel the song "Mine" by Taylor Swift fits perfectly in their current situation, so used that signature line from the song.)

"I should be the one to be blamed, love. I couldn't even realise you were going through this trauma for years. I lost my chance to share your pain, but I am not gonna lose you. I will prove myself to you, Kookie. I should have been the one to take you to the doctor, or maybe you didn't need the treatment in the first place. I should have never initiated anything when I got drunk that night. I want to prove it you that I love you for your soul, not your body, Kookie."

Jungkook just kept sobbing hard as he understood how messed up the situation has become now, he just buried his face in Namjoon's shoulder.

"How do I explain you, Joon? How do I tell you I wanted to be with you in every way possible. I wanted to be the only option you can ever have."

"Only option????" Namjoon frowned backing away but still holding Jungkook in his arms.
"I didn't want you to be like uncle Min-soo. How he cheated on eomoni as she had this same condition."
"You are the one and only person I want to be with, Kookie. You are my everything. You really thought I would cheat on you?"

The heartbreak and disappointment was eating up the man as Jungkook anticipated.

"I'm sorry Joon."
"I need to prove my love to you, Jungkook. It's true I cannot live without you, but I cannot force you to live with the insecurities. I will prove my sincerity and commitment to you, I promise you, my love."