never again

20

"can I....kiss you?"

"w-what?" hans eyes widened.

minho got out of his trance.
"oh my god I'm so sorry, I have no idea what I thought about. I'm sorry."
minho got up and started walking around the room.

I took it too far.

"hey, chill a little, will you?" Han said and got up, putting his hands on Minhos shoulders to stop him from walking around the room.

"I'm sorry, that was too far."

"It's okay, people sometimes say things they don't mean or think, so just chill, okay?"

"but....I meant it. I thought about it."

han had no idea how to process this.

"I want to kiss you jisung, but I never thought that I would say that out loud."

han just looked at him with fake eyes opened.

"w-what are you saying?"

"exactly what I mean. god I feel so guilty for even thinking about it. I broke your heart, but here I am, thinking about kissing you. How messed up am I?"
minho sat on the couch again, sighing.

"I....I have no idea how to process that information."

"let's forget I ever said anything, okay?"

they just sat there in a awkward silence for a while.
Han hated it.
Minho hated it too.

"why....why would you even think about kissing me? do you still have feelings for me or something?" Han asked, making the second sentence sound like joke.

"I......I'm not sure?"

hans eyes widened even more then they were before.

"what?"

"n-no, I don't have feelings for you. I don't know why I think about these things. god I should have never come here in the first place. I ruined everything."

"no, I actually think it's good you came. we talked about our break up and we made things a more clearer. If you never came, we would never do that. So don't say that. I will just pretend that you never said what you said, and we will forget about it, okay? let's just be glad we talked it out."

"y-yeah, let's do that."

there it was, the awkward silence again.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like silence, and I'm really trying to break it, but I'm not sure how."
minho said.

"you...you know that?"

"jisung we know each other ever since we were little, of course I know that about you."

"then let me ask you something."

"sure, I will answer your every question."

"what did you do in those 3 years? how have you been doing?" Han asked, actually pretty curious.

"oh, well, right after we broke up, I started my training period. I wasn't there as long as I thought I would be. I could already dance and sing well, so I soon debuted. To be honest, it was kind of stressful. I had no idea if I was going to succeed and if breaking up with you was worth it, but I got popular really fast. My first album wasn't that successful, but my second album kind of blew up? like, I've gained a lot of fans after that album. Then I had my first concerts, first cooperations, first fan meeting...
I've really became popular and didn't really have the time to do anything else, but it was worth it. You have to sacrifice a lot of things if you want to be an idol, but if I had the chance to go back and never become and idol, I wouldn't do it. I love being idol, I can do what I love the most, and people love it. that has been my life for the last three years. Just being an idol and enjoying it."

"woah, that's something." Han said

"what about you?"

"what?"

"what did you do in those years?"

"well, I never really thought I would become what I am now. When we broke up, I wrote a song about it. One day, I met an old friend who is a singer. he's from the UK, and he absolutely love the song I wrote. he asked if he could sing it. He did, and it was the start of my career. I started getting a lot of emails asking me to become songwriter for them, but it was really stressful. I wrote my first song when I thought about my feelings after the break up, and I wasn't sure that I would be able to write songs just like that, without anything to write about. I eventually got good at it, and I became a popular songwriter. I'm still writing songs for that friend who made me famous, but that's all. I'm just writing songs for the Korean artists now. It's easier, and I still make good money. I've just spend the three years in my studio creating songs. Nothing else."

"really? and how about your mental health? how did you feel those years?"

"there were ups and downs."

"that's all?"

"it's my thing Minho, I don't need to tell those things to you. and it feels weird."

"why?"

"you're still my ex after all. It just doesn't feel right to talk about my feelings with you."

"I understand that. But I'm here for you, alright? if you ever needed anything, or felt really bad....just call me. I will come to you, okay?"

"okay....?"

minho gave him a small smile and hugged him.
he then left jisungs apartment.