never again

31

minhos eyes widened.

jisung was awake.

he immediately started running to the hospital, but was stopped by hyunjin.

"dude where are you going?! what happened?!"

"emergency, tell JYP I'm gonna arrive later!"
minho yelled and started running again.

after like ten minutes, he finally arrived inside the hospital. he was out of breath by that time, but he continued running to hans room.

jisung was awake.

after a while, he arrived to hans room.
he saw doctor Kim right in front of the room.

"agh, lee minho. I'm glad you're here."
the doctor said

"is mr. han really awake?"
minho asked with hope in his voice.

"yes, he woke up two hours ago. we still needed to do a few tests before we called you."
the doctor said.

"well, how is he?" minho asked

the doctor sighed.
"well, we've been giving him medicine to help recover his stomach. he has been starving himself for a long time, and his stomach was really effected by it. we've been trying to give him some liquid food, but we kept watching him, just to be sure he was okay. the stomach could refuse it and he could throw it up, but since he was unconscious, there was a possibility that he could have choke on his own vomit. fortunately, that didn't happen, and if he continues eating healthy, his stomach and his whole body will recover. well, now to the more serious part."
the doctor sighed, which made minho worried sick.

"when mr. han was brought here, we were told that he has a bipolar disorder, but when we examined his blood, there weren't any signs of the medication, which means that mr. han wasn't taking his meds for a long time. did you notice any sudden change in his behavior? or something like that? that he wasn't exactly himself? was he overly happy, or overly sad?"

minhos heart dropped.
"he....he was acting more happy, maybe for two months already? I'm not sure, I didn't exactly keep track of it." minho said

"oh, okay. well, now you can go and see him. but I have to warn you. when bipolar patients stop taking their medication, it's really a punch in the face of sadness and distress for them when they start taking them again, and since mr. han didn't take them for a long time, it's worse for him. the whole two hours we examined him, he was just staring blankly and didn't say a word. try to be gentle with him and approach him carefully. good luck." the doctor said, bowed and left.

minho inhaled a deep breath and carefully opened the door to hans room. his heart melded and broke at the same time seeing the boy. melted, because he was awake, broke, because how he looked. the doctor wasn't lying when he said han just stared blankly into space. he had dark circles under his eyes, even tho he slept for three whole days.

"jisung." minho gently said.

the called boy quickly shot his head to the direction of the voice, and was met with a boy sadly smiling at him, carefully and slowly going closer to his bed.

han didn't know what to think or what to do.
his eyes never left minho.

minho got to the bed and sighed.
"what happened jisung?" he gently asked.

han just turned his head away and stopped looking at minho.
"I.....I don't know." he said really quietly, almost like a whisper. minho almost didn't hear him.

minho sighed.
he had so many questions, but the poor boy just woke up, and he didn't want to stress him out.
but he had to ask one thing.
for himself, and for the doctors.

"hannie....i know that you don't want to talk about it, but I have to know this one thing, okay?"

han looked at him, and slowly nodded.

"when did you stop taking your meds?"

han sighed.
"I was taking only one pill for a while already. it made me more productive, but after seungmins concert, I stopped taking them completely."

minho sighed, connecting the dots.
he remembered that time when han wrote so many songs in a hour, and how he acted less stressed, like he wasn't worried about anything.
he remembered how joyful han was, and how unusual it was. when minho and jisung were still dating, he was joyful and cheerful, but after he met him again, he wasn't like that at all, and when he noticed that he became cheerful again, he felt a little worried, but at the same time, happy, because the old han was coming back.
turns out, he never did.

minhos eyes suddenly widened, when he realized something.

"wait....so does that mean that you weren't taking your meds trough out the whole time you said you liked me?"

han turned his head to look at minho.

minho felt his heart crush a little.
han didn't know what he was doing when he said that he liked me.

but he didn't loose hope.

"because....you told me that you loved me. did you say it when you had no meds in your system?
did you say it when you had no idea what you were thinking?"

han kept staring at him, which gave minho his answer.

"do you....even love me?"

hans eyes winded.
the truth was, he wasn't sure.
if he said yes, he would be lying, but if he said no, he would be lying too.
it was just too complicated.

han looked away, not being able to keep the eye contact with minho, knowing that he was crushing him inside.

minho let out a sigh, letting the tears fall from his eyes.

"you're crushing me right now, han."
minho said.

han just buried his head in his knees.
he knew.

"is this....your answer?" minho asked.

his voice broke a little, which made han so much more guilty. he wasn't able to look at minho.

minho let out a sigh to stop the tears.
"I....I need a minute. I'll be right back."
minho said and left.

when the door closed, han started crying, his head still buried in his knees.

he just broke two hearts.