November 14, 2023
This is my first time but not the first day to attempt posting my whereabouts in Wattpad or any other blog websites. If I do not write anything today, I will be the most tired person without even doing anything. Where should I start? Probably yesterday when I got migraine again, maghapon akong nakaratay sa higaan ng ako lang mag-isa. Pilit na pinipikit ang mga mata maibsan lamang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. In my 22 years of existence dito sa mundo, hindi yata ito ang first time na naranasan kong sumakit ang ulo ko o ang humilata lang sa higaan maghapon.
I have realized that I have been doing this routine for almost 22 years. Thoughts like, "Oo nga, ano pa bang bago?" I guess I did not trully change at all, napakatagal na panahon ko ng paulit-ulit ginagawa ang ganitong bagay. Maybe because I am exhausted, not physically but mentally and emotionally. I figured it out to myself already that, this is not about the discipline or motivation itself. But this is all about the "unknown".
Nakakawalang gana lang talaga ang lahat. It is like you feel something is wrong but you do not have the energy to figure out what is wrong. The moment na magising ka, mapapatanong ka na lang kung "Dapat pa ba?"
And when times like this kicked, sumasagi pa rin sa isipan kong "sana hindi na lang."
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