Save Me | levihan

Chapter 26: One Year Ago

Levi's heart felt heavy. Just one year ago he lost his friends, his family. He couldn't help but think what if things were different. What if they had successfully completed the mission? What if they were still with him? Levi shook his head. There was no point in thinking like that. What happened happened and there was no going back.

Water ran over Levi's hands. A year ago he was trying to wash them of the blood of his comrades. No matter how hard he scrubbed it seemed to never come off. Levi kept scrubbing and scrubbing. Blood pooled at the bottom of the sink, mixing with the water. It streamed down from the cuts that littered his arms. Blood. So much blood.

"Levi?" Hanji's voice shook him from his vivid hallucination. He looked down at his hands, there was no blood. He swallowed thickly and turned off the silver faucet.

"Coming." He replied as he dried his hands on the towel.

Hanji was sitting on the couch with a concerned look. "You okay?"

Levi nodded. He was physically okay. He was alive. So why did he hurt so much on the inside? Why did his heart feel like it was being squeezed?

Hanji could see the pain written on his face. She made sure to cancel any plans she had that day so that she could be with Levi as he grieved. "Come here." She held out her arms. She had learned that as cleanly and introverted as he was, he loved physical touch. Hanji assumed that he grew up with little to none and deep down he craved to be touched, to be loved.

Levi sat next to her and practically melted into her arms. The two sat quietly, enjoying each others presence. Hanji decided to break the silence. "Can you tell me about them?" She asked quietly.

Levi shifted so that his head was resting on her thigh. A thin smile graced his lips. "You would have loved them..."

Levi and his squad were waiting for orders. They were cooped up in a small cabin in the woods. The plan was to meet at a checkpoint and wait for other squads, but somewhere along the lines Erwin had to call off one of the other squads. He told Levi to wait in the cabin until further notice.

Levi was outside the small log cabin cutting fire wood. He didn't know how long they would be stuck there so he thought it would be best if they were prepared. The cabin was located in the middle of thick forest, hidden from the world. If Levi was being honest with himself, he wished they could stay there forever. Giggling could be heard from inside the cabin and birds chirped in the trees. 'This might be the closest I ever get to paradise' Levi thought.

He wiped the sweat from his brow and began piling up the fresh cut firewood. Petra walked out of the cabin with a pleasant smile on her face. She waved at Levi, "Come inside, dinner is ready!"

Levi finished cutting and stacking the wood before he put the axe down and followed Petra inside.

"Happy Birthday!" They all cheered as he entered the wooden home. Levi's eyes widened in surprise. Eld, Olou, Gunther, and Petra were standing around a small table with a messily decorated cake and some stew that Petra had made from items found around the cabin. A smile fell onto Levi's face and they gasped at the sight before smiling and laughing as well.

"How did you guys remember?" Levi asked as they all went up and hugged their Captain.

"What kind of friends would we be if we didn't even know your birthday?" Petra laughed.

They all sat down together and ate. Levi was happy. This felt like home.

Hanji had tears in her eyes when Levi finished his story. "They sound amazing." She managed.

Levi nodded, "They really were."

Hanji ran her hands through his silky raven hair. "Have you visited their graves recently?"

Levi made a guilty face and didn't respond. Hanji was confused until she realized, "You haven't visited their graves?"

Levi bit at his lip with guilt and shook his head. "I-I haven't had the courage." He said honestly.

"Oh Levi." Hanji wrapped him in a hug. "You need to go see them." She said softly. She knew it would help give him closure.

She felt Levi shaking in her embrace. "W-What if the hate me-"

Hanji pulled away from him so she could look him in the eyes. He had tears threatening to escape. "They don't hate you Levi! They loved you! If anything they'd want you to be happy." Levi blinked and the tears fell from his eyes. Hanji gently wiped them away.

"I never told them I was sorry..." Levi whispered. Guilt was overwhelming him. He was a horrible friend. How could I not visit them once in the whole year they were gone?

"Hey, hey it's okay." Hanji smiled down at him. "Let's go see them today."

Levi nodded. He needed to do this.

"How about we take a shower and then go see them?" Hanji suggested. She knew showers helped him relax. Levi nodded.

Hanji turned the shower on and they both stripped. They showered together often, it was one of Hanji's favorite things. She followed him into the shower and let the hot water wash over her. Once her hair was completely wet, she sat down. Levi began rubbing shampoo into her hair. He loved cleaning her hair. He didn't trust her to clean it herself, and it was like a destresser for him.

Hanji hummed happily as he massaged her scalp. Levi rinsed her hair and then added the conditioner. After a few minutes he rinsed it out and they switched. Levi remained standing because Hanji was tall enough that she didn't need him to sit for her to wash his hair.

Hanji poured the shampoo in her hand and rubbed it into his hair. Levi sighed at the feeling. He loved being clean. Hanji finished washing his hair and they both stood in silence, resting under the hot water.

"You ready to go?"

Levi shook his head, "Not yet." He closed his eyes and let the water run over him, relaxing his body. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "Let's go."

The couple got dressed and dried their hair. "I'll drive." Hanji offered. Levi would normally argue, but he agreed.

Hanji went to open the door. "Wait-"

She looked at Levi with a questioning look. "I need to get something." He explained as he walked into his second bedroom where he kept his desk and piano. Hanji heard a drawer open and close before Levi appeared around the corner with something in his hands.

"What is it?" She asked curiously.

Levi opened his hands and Hanji saw four Wings of Freedom badges. Some still had blood on them. Hanji's eyes widened, "Are those-"

Levi nodded, "Their badges."

He held them so gently, like they were the most precious things he owned. Hanji smiled, "Let's go see them."