Flee from Freedom - (mattheo riddle)

19: Maybe i am ill

8th May 1998

TW: burning

This mattress is a fucking godsend.

When i wake up i know it's late, i can feel that i've slept for long.

I dreamt of Mattheo again, we kissed, not like we did that day, it was different. Slow, meaningful. Then it was interrupted as he shoved me back against the wall. My head smacked the plaster of the dorm room, i don't have time to bring my hands up to it because now he's smashed them into the wall too, holding them by my head. 

"Mattheo what are you-?"

"Shut up." He snarls at me. "When have you ever used that mouth for anything good?"

"What the fuck are you-"

"I SAID SHUT UP." He pulls me forward and i fall towards the floor.

Then it stopped. That was it. Everything went black.

Suddenly the door swings open. Catching me off guard, i jump up, grabbing my wand from my bedside table and throwing myself towards the door. 

"Fuck Amara, it's just me." Theo steps back, hands up in defence.

I sigh, then turn back to put my wand down. I need to stop fucking picking it up or i'm going to get us killed. 

"It's almost midday." He says, walking further into the room. "I've got a shit load of food in here, a couple more wallets, i mean you'd be surprised how easy it is to nick these things, and-" He digs his hand into the bag, pulling out a deck of cards. "Games."

I send him a smile and he tosses the cards my way. Catching them, i sit down on the floor by my bed, leaning back against it. Theo does the same, emptying the contents of the bag onto the floor beside us. Emptying out the cards in the middle, i begin to set up a game and Theo rips open a bag of crisps. 

"OH SALAZAR." He grabs the bag. 

"Fucking hell." I exclaim as he catches me off guard. "What?"

"I almost forgot" Theo continues to dig in the bag, producing a packet of cigarettes. 

"No way." I snatch them from his hand. "You 'forgot' you had these."

"I'm a changed man." He says nobley. "Don't smoke them in here though, lean out the window. Muggles have all sorts of traps." 

"Traps?"

"You know, alarms start going with smoke." 

"Muggles are stupid."

—————

We sit for ages, playing stupid card games. I win almost every time. 

"Can you finish this, i'm going to the bathroom."

"Yeah yeah," he swallows the handful of crisps and takes the remaining cards from my hand. 

I grab my bag on the way in, shutting the door behind me and locking it instantly. I shouldn't have used that lighter yesterday. I know i shouldn't have. But now i need to. There's this feeling inside me, that i need to continue. An urge. 

Pulling up my sleeve, i stare at the now slightly disfigured mark on my arm. The skin above it is cracked and burnt, but the mark, seems to be differnt. Obviously i didn't think this through, because i can't heal it, or keep the infection away without a wand. I'll have to out at some point. 

The snake isn't even really recognisable anymore. 

I have to do it again.

__________