Flee from Freedom - (mattheo riddle)

27: Into the railing

22nd May 1998

It's early morning, about 2, from what i can make out from the dimly lit clock on the bedroom wall. Pansy is flat out beside me, and i can hear distant snores echoing from the rooms around us. 

I can't sleep. Every time i begin to drift off, a dream begins and i have to wake myself up, scared of what i'm falling asleep to. Bad dreams are happening way more often, nothing huge but i'm scared of what's to come. I could do with some dreamless sleep right about now.  I feel as though i'm missing something, or as if i have forgotten something. There's a vacancy inside me. 

Not to mention the insatiable itch and burn radiating in my forearm. Maybe that's what is keeping me up. 

Eventually i decide i should run it under cold water or something. I peel back the duvet, trying not to wake Pansy. The door clicks open gently, and i slip out, shutting it quietly behind me. I walk past Mattheo and Theo's room on the way to the bathroom. The door is open a crack, and i take a quick peer inside to see only one figure laying in the bed. From the racket i can hear inside, i assume it's Theo. 

Instantly wandering, i wonder where Mattheo might be, then i wonder if he's finished that pack of cigarettes. 

I make my way up the stairs, round the corner and up the rest into the kitchen. The lights are off, bar one outside balcony light radiating through the gap in the curtains.

Pulling open the door, i step one foot out, expecting to see Mattheo stood out here, yet there's nothing. Walking further out, i reach the wall, and nothing. I'm seconds away from calling his name before turning around and seeing him stood above me, on the second balcony. 

"Looking for me?" He exhales a breath of smoke with a slight laugh.

I don't reply, just turn my gaze over to the metal spiral staircase in the corner. I head over and climb up to him. 

When i reach the top he's already facing me, extending his arm with the cigarette in his hand to me. I take it, pressing it to my lips and blowing out the smoke. I pass it back and he takes it quickly. 

"How many have you got left?"

"Last one" He answers quickly. "I'll have to tap Theo up for some more." 

The railings are high on this bit of the balcony. It has a wall, similar to the one on the lower level, but a metal railing extends on top of it, up to shoulder height, fencing us in even more. 

"What you thinking about?" I reach my hand to him so he passes it back to me. 

"Lots of things." He sighs, "My father, you, the betrayal, maybe we could have done it differently, you..."

"You said me twice."

"What can i say?" He shrugs, taking back the nearly- finished cigarette. "Sorry, i don't want to start another argument." 

I don't reply. Instead I lean back from the railing, gripping it with my hands. 

"You'll fall." He laughs. "You just want me to carry you everywhere?"

"You didn't have a problem with it the other day?"

"You were wasted, i was embracing my inner gentleman." He takes a small bow. 

"Oh really?" I lean even further, then free my hand so i fall backwards momentarily, before sticking my foot back to catch myself. 

His hands drop the cigarette, and he flies to my side, ready to catch me. 

I begin to laugh at the concerned look on his face.

"Mature." He laughs. "I'll hold you still instead." His hands fly to my arms and i dodge them. I move along the railing, laughing with him as he follows me to the other side of the balcony.