26th May 2008
"Amara are you coming?" Mattheo shouts at me up the stairs.
"Yeah hold on." I shout back, struggling to put in my earring. After a last tug it goes in and i stand up.
Today is the hottest day it's been all year. Normally i feel cold 90% of the time, yet today i just can't seem to escape it.
"Amara." Mattheo appears in the doorway.
"I said i was coming." I grab my wand from my bedside table, shoving it into the back pocket of my jeans. Even living in a stupid muggle town, where i've never had to use my wand beyond the walls of my own home, i still carry it everywhere. Mattheo doesn't move, just watches as i walk towards him. His hands outstretch and meet my arms, stopping me from walking past. For a second no one speaks, he just stares at me, then at my outfit, then back up at me.
"Aren't you going to be warm?"
I look at my long sleeved top, then back up at him. It may have been 10 years, but the mangled skin on my forearm still looks like it was healed yesterday, and sometimes if i squint i still think i can see the dark mark ever so faintly. I tilt my head and he sighs.
"Pansy and Enzo don't care." He says quietly. "I don't care."
"I do."
He pauses again, then leans down slightly, giving me a kiss. I push my body weight into his, kissing him back deeply.
He pulls back slightly, keeping our faces close. "Are you going to be okay today?"
"We've done this 9 times already."
"10 is a big number." He says quietly. "10 years is a long time."
"Don't worry about me. We can spend today worrying about Pansy."
"Pansys more at peace than you think she is."
Mattheo is right. Even 10 years after Theo's death, his girlfriend has made more progress with it than me.
1 year after, she didn't even show up to his grave. All 3 of us went. We stood in silence for a long time, waiting for her to show up, and she never did.
2 years after, she did show, after a lot of persuasion.
From then on, her progress has been fairly linear, she remembers Theo how he was: funny, caring etc. She lives with the good memories.
However, whenever i think of him, all i can picture is his dead body on my family homes floor. On those cold tiles. I try my hardest to think of other things, but it all leads back to that Drawing room. I live with the constant reminder of it on my arm. Every year we visit his grave is the same. At no point has it ever felt easier.
I give Mattheo another kiss, then pull back. "Let's go."
Pansy and Enzo are already there when we arrive. They both grin as we approach, seeming so happy despite the circumstances.
Enzos's new trademark limp isn't as noticeable as it used to be, even though the healers did the best they could. I don't even think it bothers him. Whenever we ask he always mentions how it 'adds to character development'.
Mattheo's arm is snaked firmly around my waist. I feel like if he retracts it i might even fall over. I think he knows that too.
Pansy doesn't say anything, just plants a kiss on my cheek, and stands next to me. Mattheo slowly pulls his arm away, and i place mine around Pansy, as her curls around me too. Her face has changed over the years, its sadder now, the bags under her eyes are more prominent. Her hair is the same, the same short black bob.
We walk in silence, through the graveyard. Theo told Mattheo once that he never wanted to by buried in the gardens of Nott Manor. He always said he'd want to be cremated. Seems almost funny when you look at it now.
Theo's grave is empty. Just a headstone. His body lays in ashes, in the ruins of Malfoy Manor. Somewhere else in that manor is the ashes of my brother. But we don't talk about him. Despite Mattheo's efforts, we don't speak his name in our household.
Every year we come here is the same, we stand in a line around the headstone, staring in silence, as if we are waiting for him to spring out of the ground and tell us a joke.
Fucking hell.
I read the words over and over and over again.
Theodore Nott Junior. 1981 - 1998
Theodore Nott Junior. 1981 - 1998.
Theodore Nott Junior. 1981 - 1998.
Theodore Nott Junior. 1981 - 1998
Theodore Nott Junior. 1981 - 1998
God how i wish it was me.
Thankyou so much for reading!!!!!! I kinda ran out of ideas for the ending so i hope it was alright. ♡
I'd really appreciate some vote and comments, i love hearing your thoughts on my fics.
Thankyou again love you alllll ♡♡
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Flee from Freedom - (mattheo riddle)
Fanfic"I never wanted to not want you" Voldemort has won, he's done it. Harry Potter is dead, the order is diminished, and it was all for nothing. All the betrayal from his own side, from the children he sent as spies, yet it all amounted to nothing. Now...
