Flee from Freedom - (mattheo riddle)

38: Betrayal

FLASHBACK 

21st February 1998

Mattheo sent me an owl this morning during breakfast. The letter was short, ambiguous.He wants to meet during dinner, so no one else has the chance to interrupt us, in his dorm. 

I'm happy to miss breakfast anyway. It's a dull atmosphere, a tense one too. Now Snape is headmaster, the whole lively aura of Hogwarts has almost completely disappeared. A large number of students are injured, at the hands of the Carrows, some at the hands of their classmates, some at the hands of us. Almost everyone else is scared to the point of going non verbal. 

Even walking there now, i'm still struggling to understand what he needs. I've considered not showing multiple times, scared he's going to kiss me or something. I can't do that right now. It's been over a year since we 'broke up'. Things have turned almost back to how they were before. We are friends again. Not as close as we used to be, i'm scared the closer i get to him, the harder it's going to be to control myself. I can't deny the fact i still love him. 

Then i considered the possibility that he knew about the dark mark. I almost didn't go at all after thinking that. I know if he loses his temper i could get hurt. It's a sad fact, but it's true. I mean all you have to do is look at how many people he's put in the hospital wing and it would be enough to stay the fuck away from him. I know he'd never willingly hurt me, but he's not in control of himself when he's angry. Then i thought, he would have said something by now, not send me a pathetic letter during breakfast. It's probably not that. 

Pansy and the rest of them are at dinner, i made an excuse, said i felt ill. Walking down the corridor to Mattheo's down, anxiety bubbles away in my stomach. I feel slightly sick, probably scared. 

I'm still metres away when the door swings inwards. 

"Amara." Mattheo acknowledges me. 

Freezing on the spot, i drop my forearm from my hand, and let it fall back down at my side. "Mattheo." I nod. 

He steps to the side, ushering me inside the door. The minute i get inside he slams it shut behind me. 

"We need to talk." He says, gesturing me to sit down. My mind instantly flickers to a conversation i don't want to have. 

"Mattheo if this-"

"It's not about what you think." He says quickly before i've even finished my sentence. Once again he gestures for me to sit down. I walk to the end of Enzos bed and perch on the edge. I've been in this room multiple times since last year, yet i don't feel like sitting on his bed would be a good idea. 

"What's going on?" I say. 

Mattheo walks around to sit on his own bed. I pull myself over to the side so we are facing each other directly. 

"You said something the other day." Mattheo begins. "I don't know how serious you were being. Well, i'm hoping fully serious because my whole plan depends on that."

"Wait when was this?"

"Two days ago. We were all drinking in the common room, Friday night. Or Saturday morning i suppose." He pauses.

"It would be a lot more helpful if i knew what you were talking about Mattheo."

 "You mentioned something while we are all talking. I don't know if anyone picked up on it, but i did. Like i said, it could have just been a sarcastic comment which, wouldn't shock me." He laughs slightly. "But it didn't feel like it." He pauses again, like he's waiting for me to speak. 

"Mattheo i'll provide to the conversation the second you get to the fucking point yeah?" 

"Right. Sorry. We were all talking about my... the Dark Lord. You said that you wished it would all just be over."

"Don't we all." I reply. 

"Yes but, remember we saw Draco and Harry having a long conversation earlier on."

"Yes and we joked about Harry recruiting him to the Order." 

"Exactly." 

I pause. "I'm sorry i don't get it. Draco was just making fun of him, as usual." 

"Yes but you said that Draco could now be part of the order, making links and leaking information."

"I was kidding." 

"Amara." He shifts, picking up my hands. 

It shocks me, and i turn to face him fully, unsure if i should pull my hands away or not. I'm also extra aware that his hands are so close to the dark mark on my arm. 

"Amara. We are all sick of this, being slaves to the Dark Lord. You said it, we all agreed. We could... leak information... to the Order." 

"Okay i'm going to need some conformation that you are being totally serious right now." I slip my hands out of him and brush my hair out of my face. 

"I'm serious." Mattheo is abrupt, decisive. 

"You think it would work?"

"Is this you, being on board with this?" 

"That depends. Would it work?"

"I haven't thought out the details. We could just, leak small bits of information. Anonymously. Nothing too significant as to implement ourselves. But we could-"

"Yes." The word tumbles from my mouth.

"Yes?"

"Yes." 

"You'd be willing-"

"Let's do it." I shift forward, even closer to him. "I've thought about this before, but i never thought anyone else would be on board."

"We could get Pansy and Enzo. Easy." 

"Theo would do it if the rest of us are. Especially you, being Voldemorts son and all that. He'd trust us enough."

"Then that leaves..."

"Draco."

"Fuck."

"We can't not include him."

"Do you think he'd do it?"

"We would have to persuade him. After you and me.." I pause. "After you, he's the most involved in the Dark Lord. And we can't guarantee that he won't go running to Mummy." 

"What would your mother do? If he told her?"

"I mean...she would just go with whatever Draco wants probably." 

"We should give it a go with just us. For now. Don't let the others know until we know it's going to be successful. If it fails we don't want them to get punished too."

"Okay. Now what?" 

"We have a meeting coming up. Thursday night. We can re-evaluate after then." 

I nod. There's a small gap of silence and tension, before he stands up. 

I hope this fucking works.