Romance?

Is This The End?

I hated pushing people away, I hated not expressing my feelings, I hated being scared to be loved, I hated loving physical touch, I hated feeling alone, and I hated my whole being. I hated who I was. Now that they have all taught me lessons I have learned from them.

Henry, the one to teach me I should be nicer to people especially when breaking up with them because it is so hard to go through on the receiving end.

Sebastian was the one to teach me to not rebound and to realize the people around me so they don't end up doing me the worst.

Silas, the one to not just get up and leave out of the blue and to not date your friends.

Cameron, the one to teach me that when you date someone you stay with them even if people try to get in the way and not to date friends because you might lose the friendship you had with them.

Anthony, the one to teach me what it was like to experience what love might actually be like, to talk things out and trust others more, to not like someone's post because that really makes people feel bad, to really just be a better person, and not to let friends help you choose your love life.

Evan, the one to teach me objects mean nothing but what counts are the people, not to listen to my friends because they make you do dumb things, to show me that if someone loves you too much to the point where it affects their well-being and would change themselves just to fit your image of what you want is horrible, and that shows me there are people that will actually love me like you did.

I didn't want to move on from these boys. I have to though. I am starting a new chapter in my life. One without boys. A carefree chapter where I can focus on myself and when I'm ready, I'll be ready.

This still doesn't fully explain to everyone why loving these 6 boys and my parents being the way they are has changed me detrimentally. They didn't just change me to be a bad version of myself, they changed me to be better by showing me what not to do. Despite the fact, that I may slip up. I know, myself right now is going to be in a better place.

Before I didn't know how to explain how I felt in previous relationships, and it affected everything about the relationship. I now don't let sadness turn into rage, where it affects the people around me. I know I am constantly growing as a person and will soon be the person I want to be, possibly even better.

I have always been in a dark spot and been to my lowest, but the only way you can go from down is up. I'm learning to be more optimistic in life, and I'm stepping back from situations to see how to assess them. I've been changing as a person so the next relationship I get into will finally last. I don't want to have any more failed relationships because of the spontaneous decisions I've made.

I'm starting to let people in, instead of pushing them away. I know people will come and go, but some will stay.

This is the time of my healing era where I can fix problems I have with myself instead of just waiting for it to happen.

Although I will feel sad, I'm not going to let it stop me from being the best person I could possibly be. I know when I fully feel ready, the next relationship I get into will not end because of me, my mental health, and small things. One that will last from then on.

This is going to be my greatest comeback of the years to come. 

Until next time,

-Jade, the writer.