The Other Potter

Toxins

Elijah woke in yet another cold sweat, another bad dream haunting his sleep and stealing any chance of rest. He stared up at the top of the tent, calming his breathing before giving up on the idea of falling back to sleep, quietly removing himself from the bedroom, and slipping out of the tent to sit on one of the camping chairs outside. The campsite was a wreck, in small patches there was smoke that filled the air from things that were still slowly burning, the havoc that had recently filled the site hadn't quite settled yet. Tents, sleeping bags, and clothing could be found sprayed across the grass with the odd toy left in the dirt from where people had ditched their belongings to head to safety. How could something that had once been filled with celebrations turn into something so dark?

"Can't sleep?"

He turned his head to find his mother coming out of the tent with her dressing gown wrapped tightly around her body.

"Seems that way." He replied, licking his lips as his eyes dropped to the ground.

Lily joined her son, sitting in the chair beside him. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." He murmured. Not with you.

There was a long silence between the two, the quiet sounds of the night occasionally filling it from Percy's snoring, the crackling of small fires to the hooting of owls in the woods. Small and insignificant noises added a layer of comfort to a situation that otherwise felt extremely awkward.

"Elijah, how would you describe our relationship?" Lily finally asked.

It was then that the boy realized Sirius must have had his talk with his parents. It would explain a lot.

The boy sat with the question for a minute, considering his answer as he tried to put a word to something he had paid no mind to previously. "Pretty much nonexistent." he muttered quietly, "I don't think it's intentional. And I think you have moments where you try to be there, but over the last year what was already the minimum became nothing."

Another silence. This time he couldn't hear the comforts of the campsite to ease it.

"Elijah-"

"Why does it matter?" he asked, finally looking up at her. "From that night onwards I felt overshadowed, like nothing I could do was enough for you and Dad, and then the final nail in the coffin for Dad was me being sorted into Slytherin. It was like he finally had a reason to hate me rather than just doing it without cause. And you... you said nothing. You did nothing. I tried to understand. I did. But none of it makes sense." he explained, closing his eyes as he tried to remain calm and keep quiet.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Lily replied, "It was never my intention-"

The boy let out a breathy laugh, "You're sorry I feel that way? Is that your apology?"

"That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"No, I don't know it. I feel like I don't know any of you." He said, shaking his head.

"Whose fault is that, Elijah? You are hardly ever home from Hogwarts and even when you are you are either buried in books, hiding in your room, or have headphones on." Lily argued.

The boy raised a brow, leaning back as he looked his mother over trying to see if this was her version of a joke.

"You can't possibly be putting the blame on me? Really? You wrote a letter to me first year telling me not to come home for Christmas because it would upset Dad. You told me not to come back for spring break, you told me to avoid bringing up any of my friends' names when coming home for summer and to avoid the subject of school. You write to me once or twice a term. You forget my birthday... Every year. You hardly bother with Christmas, instead, send galleons... I swear the two of you know nothing about me other than the negative things that Dad loves to hyper-fixate on."