L.T.

Unreal

You are not real. I know that. I do, but sometimes I forget that you're not actually here.

I'm probably just crazy and delusional, but I often forget that you're not a part of my world.

You are just a fragment of my imagination, you don't exist, and yet, here I am talking to you.

When I think of all the times I would have been alone, if you hadn't been there, I can't believe how often it is. I suppose you weren't really there. I suppose I was truly alone, but it didn't feel like it.

I felt heard, and seen, and understood. I guess that in a way, when I'm talking to you I'm talking to myself, and, maybe I talk to you so I don't feel this loneliness that swallows me up, but God! It felt so true.

I loved you in a way I had never loved anyone because if something felt wrong, I could change it. It was never perfect but never bad. That may be why it felt so real.

Maybe it got out of hand. I started imagining too much, I wrote my story exactly how I wanted to live it.

I have memories full of you even though you never even existed, but why am I sad when you leave even though I can always make you stay?

Why am I sad when I realize it was all just a dream?

A dream that felt so real I could feel every single emotion.

I cried, I laughed, I sang. I was happy, I was angry, I was everything when I was with you. But you weren't even there.

So many people might think I'm crazy, because I lived two lives. The one where I am a student, where I have responsibilities, my true life. And then there's the one with you, and my head where I'm just happy.

Many might think I'm completely out of my mind because I have imagined so much it feels real. True. Right. I even confused myself, but, those are the only moments in the day where I'm actually fucking happy.