You'll never love me / satosugu

Chapter 11 - What is Life?

A/n: You guys are so desperate for a happy ending ☺️ And I might just give it to you. Maybe.

I feel like becoming a Jujutsu sorcerer with the need to save all the humans... is becoming harder for me to understand. I dont know, im not sure why we are doing this. Why are we helping the ones that always created these curses? Why do we have to protect them? It doesn't feel.. right. Why do I have to suffer, why do I have to Absorb the disgusting creatures, just to help the lowly people?

They never help us, they dont even know what we are. They cant even see the creatures they make. They think we're the weird ones, they think we do this for nothing. They have no self awareness. They aren't grateful. They don't understand what we go through. They dont understand the pain. They dont know the trauma.

They feel disgusting.

..Fucking monkeys-

Huh?

Wait. What? Why would i say that..? That isn't right.. What's going on with me?

—

"Suguru! You okay? Have you lost weight?" I blink and look up Satoru, looking at me with his clear blue eyes. I want to tell him, everything, my theories and thoughts. But he looks like he's happy, and I know I shouldn't spoil it. I shouldn't lie to him, but i cant tell him the truth either.

"I'm fine, it's just the summer stress." I reply shortly. I saw him catch a glance of me in concern, but he lets it slide. I'll deal with it myself, it'll be over soon.

I'm now lying my bed, thinking about life. My life, Satoru's life and my future. I've never been the one to think I was an over-thinker, but I'm getting these.. weird voices in my head. They were most likely always there, but I probably never noticed. It makes me think about everything that has happened until now.

Since Satoru always goes on the missions, im alone. Scrap that, Shoko hangs out with me whenever she's free. She's great, a nice company. Don't get me wrong, Shoko is a part of us.

But it's always us two in the class, it feels quiet without Satoru. We always eat lunch together, but we barely hang out once schools over. I have my 'missions' and Shoko has her healing to do.

It's so lonely without Satoru.

I never should have fallen in love with him. I know i will have to tell him one day, but i just dont know. I dont know how he would react, i dont know how he feels about me. I dont know what he would say, i dont know what he would think of me after the confession. I love him, and i will always will. I just know it, he's the person you meet once in a lifetime. I know we'll go down different paths one day, I just don't feel.. right in Jujutsu high. It's only a feeling, but I think my life isn't meant for this high school. I feel like I have somewhere else to go, but I can't tell where. Yet.

But I probably have to finish this high school no matter what. I can't really go back now, besides, my parents want me to finish this school. Satoru would be upset, probably.

Where would I go once finish school? Would I stay with my best friends, or get a job somewhere? I know Satoru will always be included in the jujutsu world. He is a prodigy after all, someone with so much potential. The strongest.

I close my eyes to sleep, my brain fried because of the thinking. I need sleep.

— i recommend you listen to the song "if we have each other" for this part. I basically got inspired by it —

After about closing my eyes for basically three seconds, The door burst open. I groaned and I opened my eyes, and I see Satoru coming in. Oh, it's just Satoru.