Music to My Ears (Demon Slayer KNY Zenitsu x y/n)

Chapter 65 Worry

TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder, Trauma, talk of suicide 

I fell asleep with him. What was I thinking? Why would I ever try to do anything like that to myself?! I worried everybody and now I just feel like an even worse person. Zenitsu tried to pretend like he was fine after but he couldn't stop shaking. He was wrapped around my waist tightly. I should never have done that to him. The regret I feel is unreal. I'm so sorry Zenitsu.... I drift off to sleep. I wake up to the sound of Zenitsu crying. I could tell he was trying to be quiet but he couldn't control himself. He was sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Zenitsu..... Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?"

He looks over at me.

"I'm so sorry.... Did I wake you?"

I go over and hug him from behind.

"Yeah, but you're more important than sleep."

I hug him silently as he holds onto my hand.

"Y/n...... why didn't you tell me you were so unhappy...... if you told me how sad you were, I would have done everything to help."

"Unhappy? I'm not unhappy..."

"Y/n..... are you not happy with our relationship? If that's true..." He starts sobbing, "I wont be mad. I love you y/n chan, but my love isn't selfish. I love you so much that I'm willing to give you up for your happiness-"

I grabbed him.

"What the hell are you saying!? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me! Why are you saying this stuff all of a sudden?"

"Well.... I figured you were very unhappy with your life....since you tried to..... End it..."

"Zenitsu.... I'm as happy as I could be. When I was up in the tree, I almost felt nothing but there was a little bit of sadness, because.... I didn't want to leave what I had-"

"Well then why! Why did you try to do that y/n!? What was the reason?! I want to help you! I want to understand so badly but I can't! I can't! I would never do that to you so why would you do that to me!?"

"Zenitsu!" I hugged him tearing up.

"I wasn't thinking straight."

"But what was the reason y/n..." Zenitsu holds my face, "I need to help you."

I take a deep breath.

"Ever since I left that village.... I've felt like an awful person. Like I poison everyone else's lives. My life is so incredible, but the thought of ruining everyone else's lives for my life to be better is more than I can handle...." I hold his hand and press it against my forehead, "When I met you, for the first time in my life, I felt the feeling of someone who cared, someone who adored me, someone who needed me because of how great I was. You brought me healing, but I got a letter from that one girl." I tear up again, "And all the memories came flooding back. Everything that I tried so hard to overcome has come rushing back and I felt utterly hopeless. I think, why I tried to.... It was..... I was caught off guard. My life went from being happy and full of purpose to losing all of it all at once...."

I look up at him, trying to understand, "But, let me tell you. The only reason I started to get better in the first place is because of you. I remember before I met you having to carry the weight of all those feelings and it broke me. You fixed me though. My scars were invisible when you touched me. You saved me." I smile sadly, "Trust me, I hate burdening you with all of my problems. I hate it more than anything but I'll stay alive for you because I know that you need me too and I want to help you as much as you helped me, okay?"