After pain // Bakugou Katsuki

Week Three

Spoiler alert, I didn't receive any messages since that day or week. It's been about a week since I recieved anything and this was certainly a first. I doubt it has ever been this long without them pestering or at least checking in. I'd lie if I said it had no effect on my feelings. I woke up today and the first thing my mind greeted me to was that, the knowledge that none of them cared. The knowledge that no one messaged me but were still online, I checked.

I thought I had been working hard enough and could spare a day off so I didn't join my classes today, I slept in and my mother didn't notice! For once, that man helped me. My guess is that she was glued to the television and my existence didn't cross her mind throughout. If that's what will work then so be it.

Three o'clock and no messages. I grip my forehead and sigh as I toss my phone somewhere into the distance. I thought they would ask or notice that I wasn't there. Nothing. Did they realise at all? What came over me, was all I asked myself, making me so desperate for that miniscule text message. I didn't feel alive.

I didn't feel it. My brain lapped around until tears formed in my eyes and I couldn't wipe it away. "Damn it, fuck."

I never thought this would be the thing to make me cry but once I started, my breaths hitched and heart ached as I sobbed manically into the pillow. My face was soaked too, making my lips sting from where I bit to constrain my whimpers. I took my time in lifting myself back up to a sitting position, blinking the sticky sensation away. It made me want to cry more, throwing my covers around as my hand dug for a phone. My life was like a joke, taking painstakingly long to find and then I grasped the shitty device with the last of my strength, minimal.

I pressed the on button with a few squeaks of breaths, watching the device turn on and then I took a few turns swiping my password. The phone loaded and I saw nothing, it didn't hurt anymore, I wouldn't let it. Myself and the app stared at each other as I opened it, ready to fight.

I was ready for nothing, only a reminder of the solitude but the unexpected grabbed my neck. The ping poked into my eyes, telling me I recieved a message from Kiri... I had to open it. The silence made my ears ring slightly as I read the message a few times, searching for anything to disprove the generosity.

"Hey bro been thinking of u lots, hows it going we should defo hang out soon"

Why I trembled was a question I wouldn't dare to answer because then I would be acknowledging it. How do I reply? Do I reply? Now? In five minutes? What if I forget? What if I don't forget and it rakes my brain?

Was texting ever this tedious?

Or am I going mad?

Now I crave when I didn't recieve messages! How insane I am right now, fucking gone. Agh. I gripped the ends of my head and rocked against the bed as my phone made contact with the floor.

Soon I join my phone, kneeling as I lift the device with a silent apology. Above all, I couldn't be irritated anymore at him, my heart refused to. He was being caring... a good friend, he made the effort. Partially, I felt remorseful for the feelings I had, I should have known better. Here the wrapped effort was given after my tantrum. Becoming undeserved. Damn it, type something. It's already been half an hour and I haven't deciphered how I'll begin my reply. I'm rushed by the small fear that this is my last chance to maintain contact with them or a connection.

But he's been thinking of me and I've been thinking of him, it's nice to know it isn't just me. I guess we could meet up soon, at a park where it's socially distanced. At least I will see his face and know he's still alive. Obviously he would be. It's rare to catch him online as he's usually busy with his mothers or working part-time. We used to call daily when it started, until anchors formed around our time. He had to babysit his younger sisters as his mums each had a job they needed to keep for the sake of income, nursing I think one of them was. That halved our call durations and then he told me he had news a few months later, that job which meant he couldn't call on most days. Sunday was free and for some time we kept at it, becoming my favourite day of the week, not that he knew it. Then exhaustion from both ends made it impossible and weeks passed, it wasn't my fault or his. We both played a part in it.

There he was, standing on the cliff as he searched around for that softening fulfillment.

Underneath him, right at the bottom of the cliff was my figure. A eyeless boy with dented arms who could only look up and squint at the blazing sunlight. He could only ponder on what existed above the cliff, the time long forgotten. The time when curiosity led me. Pulled adrift like a bag along the surface of the waters.

I knew I wouldn't sleep if I didn't send a message. I managed to type something agreeable and send it. Thank fuck for that. I literally muttered a "hallelujah" as I stood up and stretched my back as if weights were taken off. Before I slept for the night I read over what I sent one more time.

Hey bro been thinking of u lots, hows it going we should defo hang out soon

"Yh"