After pain // Bakugou Katsuki

Week Fifteen

A week passed since I locked myself in the bathroom. I had to talk to sensei about it, obviously. I told him I felt like throwing up because I ate expired food and he believed me. I knew my friends wouldn't bother talking to me so I found some comfort in facing no confrontations or questions from them. As for the rest of the class, I got some questions from Deku but like I always did, I pushed him away and he accepted it.

The rest of the week was closer to normal, or whatever normal means nowadays as the whole world has been turned upside down. My parents did their best to watch me eat which was plain humiliating, I'm not a kid or have issues eating. I don't feel hungry, it's not because I'm worried about my figure. But they still have jobs so I manage to find a way to get rid of the food. At dinner I put it in the garden bin so they won't check it or flush it down the toilet. When they do watch me, I had to eat it so breakfasts were tiring as I felt I was overeating and it made me nauseous. But I found a solution. Well, I found a solution this next week.

It was Tuesday, five days after the day where I locked myself in the bathroom and my parents caught on that I didn't eat as much as I used to. My mother was next to me as we ate together and I finished my plate so she gave me the nod to leave. I was turning to leave when I felt my stomach turn awkwardly and I planned on going to my bathroom quickly as the school's bathrooms were something I refused to actually use for its intended purpose. As soon as I entered the bathroom upstairs, I realised I needed to be sick. I waited for a while with no luck so I took measures into my own hands and tried to force the food out so I can feel better because it was too uncomfortable to go to school like this. I closed the door and then moved two shaky fingers to my throat. One tug. Gag. A second tug and I coughed out. After a couple more I managed to throw up into the sink and I leaned against the porcelain with exhaustion and relief too.

After I cleaned the sink, I went to school with a new technique in mind. For the next few days I threw up whenever I had breakfast and it sort of made me feel alive, which felt somewhat addicting and levitating. When Thursday came, I went to my seat and did the first two lessons. Break time came and I did my usual plan of sitting until people left but I saw a pink finger tap my desk which made my head immediately lift to see who it was. I stared at the group as they were all there. No one else was in the class. Just me, Pinky, Pikachu, Kiri, Soysauce and Jirou.

I wanted to ask them if I did anything but my throat burned the worst in the morning so I didn't like speaking. I left the metaphoric microphone to them.

"Can we talk?" Pinky asked with a neutral face, she didn't look angry or offended so I don't believe I've done anything. I can't remember talking to them recently so I'm unsure why they would be angry.

"Mhm," I uttered out as I stood up and threw my bag on.

Kiri led the group and I followed from behind them to where they wanted to chat. Weirdly my brain and heart weren't aligned. Or my body wasn't reacting. I knew I should be anxious or worried but I don't really feel anything. It's like this isn't real. Am I imagining it all?

We passed through corridors and went to an empty classroom. I walked inside and that's when I saw Kiri move back so he could lean against the door. I didn't know why he was blocking the door, I guess it was private and they didn't want over students? I didn't see it as a threat,  I probably wouldn't even care if it was. I sat on a table and looked down at my shoes, finally feeling a sense of nervousness.

"Hey, um--." Denki began but then went quiet. I couldn't see so I assume someone else gestured to take over.

"Bakugo, we wanted to... apologise," Pinky said.

I looked up to see if it was real and I saw her head hung low with arms held together. Looking at the others, they shared sheepish and guilty expressions.

"We were horrible to leave you out like that, in fact we miss you so much!" She added.

I stared at her and I saw her smile start to leave. Then came a look of concern.

"Hey, Bakubro. We don't blame you for anything it was all on us. How about we put this aside us?" Kiri asked.

I swung my legs lightly, wondering about it. For a while I dreamed of this, I tricked myself into the hope that this day would come and it would magically fix itself. Here it is, but it doesn't feel like it should. I don't feel happy about it, I just feel... that emptiness. I can't put it aside and go back to that person I used to be, he is dead.

They all stared at me with a strange look and I guess they wanted me to reply. I managed a "okay."

"Are you okay?" Denki asked while fiddling with his hands.

"I'm fine."

"Are you su--."

"I'm fine!" I interrupted with a bit more strength but I soon regretted that as it caused me to cough a bit.

"What happened to you?" Kirishima began. "You look ill dude, please... don't tell me it's because of us..."

I stared at the ground.

"Bakubabe?" Pinky asked, having her eyes water. "Please tell us this didn't impact you as much, we didn't think... we thought you didn't like us, we didn't want to annoy you any longer."

Her and Kirishima rambled on, trying to find an excuse underneath the rubble of the building they collapsed on me. I felt disgusted by it, wishing to tell them that they assumed things and that gives them to no right to make decisions for me. I'm a human being and I'm sick of them villainising me. They didn't act for my interests, they just felt like getting rid of me and they should just say it plain out. Why did they even bother to come here? Were they guilty and wanted to find quick forgiveness. That wasn't fair. This isn't something I can heal from, so why am I the one that has to make them happy? They made the decision and then had months to talk to me. They waited for me to break apart and then come like knights in shining armour.

Life was incredibly cruel.

"It's not fair." I whispered out.

"What did you say?" Kirishima asked, leading me to realise I was too quiet for anyone to pick up on it.

I decided to keep the comment to myself, I'm exhausted and want to be left alone as soon as possible. I'm used to it now. "I said it's fine, is that it?"

They looked surprised and then looked at Mina so she could speak. "Do you... want to hang out with us again? Like we used to?"

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