After pain // Bakugou Katsuki

Week Thirteen

When the sun burned through my pale curtains, I threw myself up. My eyes were still sticky and in a trance of being half-asleep, I glided across my room as if I was ice skating. In the bathroom, I threw water across my face as the sink splashed. Rubbing my eyes I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. The sleep subsided and I was now fully awake in the moment.

The numbness returned.

Whether I embodied it or produced it was a question I couldn't answer. All I knew was that the chords weren't right, I couldn't sing or beat against the instruments of this world. Never in sync.

Wednesday. Two and a half weeks and then spring break would arrive. Sure, I did think about it as I counted down each day. Usually, me and my old friends planned events and met up. It could be as simple as hanging at Kirishima's for a couple of hours and it would be pleasant. Maybe I'm somewhat relieved to have time off school, away from this growing nightmare I've made for myself. Until then, I had to move my wreck of a body and get to school.

After brushing my teeth lazily, I went back to my room and picked up the wrinkled uniform I kept in a messy ball at the end of my bed. I threw on some spray on top, stumbling down the stairs to meet my mother for breakfast before I left. But I couldn't help myself from realising how rigid this morning routine became. Was every day identical to the last? Lately, there was nothing good to think about or any reason to consider bringing out a smile. Existing became repetitive. All these aspects of my day in order to keep me alive, what for? Not for pleasure, not for someone as cursed as me.

Will I ever feel happiness again? I wish I could know, anything to silence the dread in my throat. It grew at a rapid pace like bacteria and wouldn't leave me alone!

Me and my mum exchanged the same morning routine of raising our middle fingers at each other and then I sat at the dining table where there was a plate of two eggs on toast with a coffee. I've grown sick to eating in the mornings... or well, ever. My stomach is fucked or who knows? It's full of these strange wires that churn inside and tighten it and I have no drive to eat. But I know headaches will pound me to bits if I don't have something so I do my special method. I'll eat a quarter of the plate and then scrape the rest into the bin, quietly. My parents don't notice because neither of them check the bin, they just throw it away when it's full because who would? It's gross. And my mum can't hear me because she's over in the living room.

I usually eat on my own while she stays on the sofa in the other room and watches the news to see what other conspiracies she can soak up into her brain to drip onto me. I ate half an egg without toast and threw the rest away. That's plenty for me at this point, I don't feel I've worked hard enough to have more, it's greedy to take it. I chugged down the coffee with a gasp and put it in the kitchen sink with my empty plate.

Glancing at the TV, I walked into the living room and my mum called out as I put my trainers on.

"Katsuki! Look here, one minute."

I did the mistake of following her hand and seeing the TV. Countless bodies across countries displayed those deceased from the virus. I almost threw up what I ate on the spot.

"Yeah, okay." I mumbled, giving her the attention her ass wanted.

"But look! Do you not see what the government in China has done? The news says--"

"Shut up! I don't like hearing this, how many times? I'm going to school."

I opened the door when she replied, "go fuck yourself brat!"

Charming, I thought to myself in sheer sarcasm as I slammed the door behind me. She always had a shitty switch that would flick if I didn't listen to her and she'd then plain insult me but I'm used to it. At least she actually talks to me, I have faith she won't leave me for now.