After pain // Bakugou Katsuki

Week Ten

Like most things, the days we want the least will arrive. Blazer, shirt minus the tie. Same uniform, but I didn't have a reason to pretend it mattered. I'd waltz into the classroom with my seat a continent away from civilisation. Ever alone. Usually I'd want to wake up from my nightmares but now I really wish I was asleep. My mother like usual, didn't listen to what I had to say and shut me out of the house. With no where else to casually wallow, I had to go to school. It would be full of crappy rules to prevent covid but I'd happily take it, then I can have more time off the world. The world became ruined for me, more than it ever was. I wonder if that's just how I feel, as others have people to brighten their lives up. Why did I have to let myself ruin what I had?

Duh, I spent the whole journey to school thinking over what happened and dreading how school would go, even if none of them could take me in a fight, I still had a source of fear? Despite that being hard to admit. Lots of things were hard to admit yet just like a piece of glass, it could be seen through and carved skin when shattered on the floor. Why was I going to school? What for? I guess it's to become a hero but that's self-absorbed bullshit, who would even like me if my friends didn't? Plain unlikeable, that's just how it is.

I entered the ground and then remembered an email sent, we would be meeting in the assembly hall first of all. Hypocritical when a fucking pandemic is spreading around and a huge hall will be a wildfire. Apparently if we 'wear a mask' that'll get rid of all traces of corona. I have a plain black mask so I'll have to deal with that shit from now on.

With the mask applied, I find the assembly and enter it. Seemingly, it had begun so I just shifted to the back of the hall with some younger extras but at least they didn't bother me. It was annoying to sit on the floor like a kid so I kneeled instead, perks of being at the back. Changes to the school were being talked about as the massive board was showing a list of it, with a random teacher explaining them. Most of it was standard stuff; masks, hand-sanitizer, separate lunchtimes per year group. 

It made me yawn on multiple occasions until it finally was over but I had no idea where we were going next so I just assumed our homeroom class and went there, luckily I was right. Being the first to enter, I prepared myself for when specific people enter the class and keeping myself engaged by shoving earphones in. My face enough is a detterant to most people.

I could feel when the door moved but I kept the volume on maximum so I couldn't hear or notice anything, i didn't want to know. No one bothered me. No one asked how my day was. No one asked how my time in lockdown was. No one. Good. Great. No one cared about my existence, nor did they need me.

I had to put my music away when sensei came in. I zoned out and thought about more... great thoughts whilst he answered any further questions. Most of the people asking were the goody-two shoes wannabes, Deku and glasses guy. Ponytail too.

"Kaminari?" Aizawa asked.

Hm. Pikachu. I, no if I think like that I'll get upset like an idiot. Even if it's true that he was one of the nicest people to me and tried to put up with my shit. Damn it, fuck. As if I'm going to break on the first day, at least hold on until the end of the week. 

There he is. "Are we able to eat our lunches in school?"

"Yes, of course you can. Now, any other questions? ...Any that haven't got to do with drinking water?"

He for sure put his hand down to that. No one else had any questions so first lesson went ahead and then second did. It was fine in the classrooms, set places to be and set work, I didn't have to figure anything out but break time. Completely different domain.

I didn't know how it would go but I was doubting I'd get anything good from it. The people I'd hang out with made it clear they want to be without me so going to them is definitely out of the question.

The class left the room, I purposely took my time and then zipped my bag shut and left. The hallways were pretty empty by the time I was done. I have a talent for being as slow as Christmas when I need to. Even if it was empty, I didn't want to look like a complete loser so I shoved my hands in my pockets like usual and walked with self-assurance, whether or not I had ruined all the good in my life and was beginning to hate myself. That's me, self-assured!

I didn't want to deal with the busy atmosphere of the canteen, plus it would make things more obvious if I sat alone on a table or worse... with Deku's group. Now that's depressing. The right decision was to head outside, get some fresh air but in order to do that, I needed to physically walk past the canteen which felt just as tragic. I didn't want to go in there, I didn't want to at all but I can't stand between the lockers forever. I'll bite the bullet and force myself to walk through and I did, sliding past a door and walking past. It would have gone well if my stupid curiosity didn't tilt my head to the side where my friends usually sat and I wasn't pleased with what I saw. They were all there, chatting and eating, like old times. I know what they would be talking about, likely laughing at Pikachu's nonsense, Pinky gushing about the latest ship, Kiri teasing his friends in his gentle ways. If I was like that, maybe I'd still be there. It's what makes him better than me. I'm an asshole, whilst he's a better person, he always was from the start. They all were, more deserving than having a friend like me which shows. They look happier to me, they must be happier, no more of my shit.

I made it outside, and yes I did nearly fucking cry again, but no one saw, right? Whatever, who am I even trying to impress? I moved to a shaded area where I was alone and could think more on the problems I have, peaceful... maybe? It depends on if you'd define regretting being alive as peaceful.

But I could appreciate the slow moving leaves, under the glowing sunshine, with a warm, green carpet below me. 

Author here! Remember to vote and comment if you liked this chapter, I appreciate you reading this!