After pain // Bakugou Katsuki

Week Twelve

I didn't want to let it affect me. I didn't want to show it. I didn't want to care. Yet, every day was as excruciatingly lonely as the last, just like a dead corpse amongst the living, I didn't belong or connect I only roamed. How much more can I take before I'm reduced to nothing?

I found a strange source of comfort amongst it: a black, plain notebook. So simple yet deceiving. To others it's practical, educational even. To me, it's full of my deepest emotions and suffering. I've begun to write in it, particularly when I am at my loneliest after school. It stays in my room, underneath my bed where no one will see and if they do then they'll mistake it for something I use for school.

The notebook mostly contains passages of how shitty I feel, how I'm far from humanity or how much I've failed as a person. Sometimes I'll scribble words or a stickman, lost in the void. It satisfied me when the page ripped slightly.

It was Thursday when I was called out during the notices at the start of the day. Strangely enough, Midnight asked for me to visit her outside. When I stepped out she led me to her office down the halls and told me to sit so I did.

She saw the confusion so she began to explain the weird scenario, "Bakugo, I wanted to ask you if everything is okay? If you need to talk to a trusted adult, I'm here."

Oh, great. Now they're concerned and giving me the 'talk'. As much as I'd advocate it for other students, it embarrassed me. This wasn't a serious issue, I'm sucking it up on my own so I denied there being problems, obviously, as it's selfish to complain over stuff so small.

"Thanks but I'm fine, why do you ask?"

She raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms. "If you want the truth then you look rough, eyebags and pale. You look exhausted. Then there's the obvious that you're slacking in school so it's clear that something is bothering you."

Damn, they were observant and picked up on everything. I had to make a good enough reason to excuse these changes without leading to further concerns. I'm meant to be strong and one of the best, this wouldn't help me. It's not like the teachers can make me a nicer person, it's not possible. My friends won't like me because of who I am, I can't be fixed or changed. I'm meant to suffer.

"Kid?" She asked, getting my attention back.

"Covid has been stressful, it's nothing special really. I'm just cautious being back at school."

"Oh," she smiled. "That makes total sense, it's a big change being back at school and it can be scary mixing among people again but I promise if you follow the regulations then you will be safe."

"I know, I'm getting used to it is all."

"If you need anything, reach out to us, okay? Your wellbeing matters."

"I know, I know. Can I get back now?"

"Yes, of course."

I didn't need to speak about anything else so I got up and left her office. I sighed as I walked back to my homeroom. When I opened the door I braced myself for everyone turning to stare but Kiri's glare made me freeze. I had to force myself to move towards my seat. They must all hate me now.

Later at break time, the class packed up their things and I didn't want to move. Like I had given up, I sat with my head on the desk, waiting for everyone to leave until I was alone. After a few minutes the room was all mine and I sat back up, looking around. Since no one was around I may as well just stay here until my next lesson, saves me the pain of seeing people.

I began to loathe break time.

After spending my time scrolling on my phone, I saw it was almost time for the next lesson which was training. I was early and used it to my advantage with changing into my sports clothes first, then walking to the hall. I stood around until a few other extras joined; half n half, four eyes and pink cheeks. They never bothered me so I liked them.