34. More than mountains

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Another hour later, Can and JJ had moved to another table, the night was winding down and so was the restaurant.

"We got them good," JJ says for the fifth time. "We fought well."

"Who are you? Some kind of warrior sprung forth JJ," Can shakes his head in awe, playing along still.

"I'm very fast, Mr Can. You will never see me fight. You just know I did." Can smiles as JJ looks down and nods. "The coffee did us good. Me good, I mean. I feel better."

"Hm hm." Can was nursing his own soda.

"They deserved it. Scoundrels."

"Of course," Can nods, looking out the window at the parking lot. "They deserve it," he says slowly and then looks at JJ, now that he was somewhat sober again, what he and JJ talked about before had him thinking about things, "but I didn't deserve it."

"I don't...deserve what Mr Can?"

"What Sanem did."

JJ's eyes light up in realization and he swallows, putting his cup down.

"JJ, I..." Can pauses and looks down at his soda then up again. "I loved Sanem...Not just that, but as much as I disliked anything else, I loved her...
For example, I love the mountains more than people, but more than the mountains, I loved Sanem, JJ."

JJ nods, his lips pouting sadly.

"I've seen the Tibetan mountains, and the forests of the Amazon, and I said when I saw them that nothing was more beautiful or more exciting but," Can shrugs and shakes his head, frowning at his soda bottle, turning it in his hands, "I was wrong."

JJ stays quiet.

Can could see her in front of him. Her eyes, the way she blushed when he kissed her, her smile. "JJ," Can sits forward after a moment's debate whether or not he wanted to voice this out loud. It meant something to him to say it out loud so he didn't take it lightly. "Nothing in this world can ever excite me more than Sanem's smile."

JJ wants to smile but he doesn't.

"It..." Can stops again and then touches just under his left eye. "She has a dimple here, when she's genuinely happy...and I wouldn't trade that dimple for anything...But Sanem," he drops his hand. "She took it from me and left."

JJ swallows and looks down at the emotion in Can's eyes.

"Now you tell me JJ, what should I do? If I can't leave, what do I do?"

"You finally wake up," JJ mumbles to himself.

"Mr Can, sorry, but we're closing."

Can looks at Ismet and pats his cheek. "Come JJ. I'll take you home."

"Okay," JJ gets up, still a little whoozy and takes his jacket from his chair. "See you again Ismet."

**

Long after Ayhan had already left, Sanem was still awake, trying to write. She's told Ayhan how she kept thinking about Can, and how this kept her from focusing on her novel. And Ayhan told her to use those feelings - right before she nearly threw up and asked if Sanem minded her going home.

As she typed, Sanem kept pausing and then going on, drawing on what she felt. It helped for one sentence and then she deleted it all again.

"This isn't working," she huffs, closing her laptop and going to bed. If anyone wanted pages from her, they would have to restore her will to write those pages first.

****

From one o'clock that next afternoon, Can was setting up his camera and lighting in the publishing house lobby for the photoshoot. He had been upstairs most of the morning while the rest set up everything else and Polen cooked whatever she wanted photographed.

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