Early Bird (Erkenci Kus)(Part 4)

35. Just hold me

As Can cut logs that evening, a fire already burning in the moonlight, his mind replayed every single moment he's ever had with Sanem here at his cabin.

She was everywhere.

From her looking up at him with those soulful brown eyes when he proposed right where he was now...

To him sneaking up on her and hearing her laugh at the surprise...

To her falling back into his arms without hesitating and trusting him to catch her...

To them dancing under the makeshift starry night of the hotel dining room..

To falling asleep and waking up next to her in the hammock...

Their walks on the pier, their wish fishing, holding her close to him as they danced in this cabin...

Cooking and burning the cooking because she was a terrible cook...

Going to find her in the store and bring her back to where she belonged...

The silly puppet she lured him with...

Every good memory he had, had her in it. And he could replay them over and over and still fall in love again.

And then his own faults creep in along with those memories.

Her words to him in the snowed in cabin, that still hit him harder than anything else hearing her say it wasn't true love between them...

Him saying he was leaving and her saying she wouldn't be running after him...

He breathes out hard to calm his pounding heart, gripping the ax and lifting it over his head. Hitting only part of the log, he sets it right again, his hand stinging from swinging wrong, then pauses, remembering the fight that broke them up.

Every word he'd said he'd said out of anger without caring how it affected her and this was his main flaw. When he was angry, he blew up and anyone close felt the backdraft.

He only realized now what an idiot he's actually been.

Pushing her away because he was afraid. He should have listened to her. He would have Sanem now if it hadn't been for his own pride. He'd felt betrayed, despite understanding her reasons, and still called her nothing.

Yet, she apologized and came after him but he wouldn't hear it.

He shakes his head now at his own stupidity, his pity party making him feel like throwing up as he puts up another log to cut into.

He was going to have at least a week's supply when he was done.

-

Sanem hurries up the cabin steps with her suitcase. She'd made Yigit drop her off halfway and then she hailed a taxi.

She stops at the top and puts her suitcase down silently as she looks at Can chopping logs and looking so defeated it would have been funny, had she not known the truth.

She clears her throat in the quiet, nothing but the flames crackling and him chopping breaking it otherwise.

Can blinks and turns, the ax hanging at his side when he sees her stare at him across the grass in the firelight, then takes a deep breath, swallowing as he drops the ax to the side without looking away.

"What are you doing here?" he asks carefully. "Shouldn't you be on your way to Yzmir?" His heart banged an uneven rhythm that he was sure she could hear in the silence of the night around them.

"Not anymore," she shakes her head.

Ah... He nods and turns to his logs and back as he processes. "Why?" he asks, trying his best to sound like it didn't matter.