The sickness called love(Soukoku)

Dazai Osamu's Apology and Validation

Tw: Suicide Attempt

Dazai

After his confession I told him that I would go apologize to Atsushi-Kun...

Of course he let me do it but the only thing was how...

How do I apologize to him?

Knowing him it doesn't take much to make him happy but I knew that doing the bare minimum wouldn't be enough as a mentor I don't want him to think what I did was ok...

What I did that day was cruel pushing him away and leaving him to cry and worry especially when I manipulated him to not saying anything...

Now as I think about it although I've joined the agency I've only did half of Odasaku's wish it hurts to know I've hurt both Atsushi and Akutagawa using them...

Then that's when 2 things clicked all Atsushi really wanted was for me to get help he just want to help people that's what his 'soul purpose in life' so if I was to apologize it would just me showing him that he helped me...

And with Akutagawa I know that Chuuya cares about him in almost a motherly way and I knew Odasaku would want me to stop using him and not only that that would help my other plan with Atsushi my goal is to really heal not pretend so if one step of healing is letting a chess piece go to let them heal as well that's what I'll do

I got up off my futon on the floor and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen I stole from Kunikida and I wrote a note in the note I wrote:

Come meet me at our spot for a private conversation at 8:00pm-Dazai Osamu

After writing that note I slept woke up early and delivered it to his house which wasn't hard to find since it was close to the shipping container I stayed in which I was sure it was purposely but the point of the matter was I got the note safely to the door just in time for at least Gin to see so she could give it to Akutagawa and I made sure of that

Then I started to make my way back home to sleep for at least 2 more hours since those in the Port Mafia's work time is different from the agency's meaning I had only 2 hours to sleep though if I was still in the mafia I would be wide awake

After going to sleep again it was time for the next set of step which although explaining is easy it would be hard for me to pull...

1.Is go to work without my facade

2.is when Atsushi comes apologize my guess will be that he tell Yosano

3.is just the 'simple' thing of just accepting the help given to me..

I sighed all of this felt stupid but I knew it was the right thing to do I promised Chuuya I would do this and if I don't do this I'd lose him again which I didn't want I mean although I knew I could just fake my way out of this something inside of me wanted to be truthful with Chuuya it knew if I did fake it it wouldn't be right

So I just did what I had to do I walked to the agency headache and all went to my desk and started my stacks of papers soon enough Kunikida came in just staring at me he face concerned before he walked away still obviously confused "Good morning..." I said blankly which felt weird but I knew it was the real me

Kunikida looked at me "Good morning...Dazai...." He said in concerned voice everyone else came in giving me strange looks as I worked until I saw Atsushi walk through the door with Kyouka they were talking together and talking "Hey everyone!" He cheered as everyone replied "Hey kid.." "Hey Atsushi!" "Hewo awshushi..." I heard as they all replied Kyouka noticed I was off but she just stared and waved likley unsure unsure how to point it out