Let Me Hear You

[ Answer the Unanswerable ]

"So you're telling me all you did was study?" Tas questioned me for the hundredth time over the first breakfast of the second term. "I went to Hogsmeade a couple of times, but yes, all I did was study." I repeated. "Seeing as my Christmas was clearly far less enjoyable, please tell me all about yours." I desperately wanted the attention off myself. Even over the loudness of the Great Hall, I could hear the Golden Trio's minds working overtime as they eyed me down. I didn't return their gaze, but I knew their eyes were locked on me.

"I beg to differ." Severus' morning voice never fails to make me weak at the knees, even if I am sitting down. "Pardon?" I kept my eyes on Tas as she told me all about her family's annual snowball fight, but I kept my mind locked on his. "Seeing as your break both started and ended with an orgasm, I should think your Christmas was far more enjoyable than Miss Rosewood's." I crossed my legs to suppress the ache in my core.

Yesterday afternoon, just before the Hogwarts Express was due to arrive, Severus and I were sitting on the floor in front of my fire. He was leaning against the loveseat, and I sat between his legs with my back against his chest. It started out innocent enough; his eyes were lost in a book and mine in the crackling hearth, and I remember vaguely having a conversation about what would be required of me in The Order.

I don't know when or how, but eventually my pants and knickers were discarded, and his fingers were buried knuckle-deep in my dripping quim. I arched my back and strained my neck to the side to capture his lips with mine. His thumb worked mercilessly against my clit, and he swallowed my cries as my orgasm washed over me. It was yet another overwhelmingly intimate venture that made me desperate for more than just his fingers to fill me. "Fair point. Do you think I should correct her?"

"Hmm. Perhaps not. However, I do think you should tell her that you are a Legilimens." I shuddered at his suggestion. Logically, I know that I will not be able to keep this secret from her for much longer. I'm sure she will take the news well. And by well, I mean she will likely hex me, throw a fit that I didn't tell her, and finally beg me to share every piece of gossip I know.

"It shouldn't be this difficult, Sev." I wish I had told her sooner; it would have saved me a world of grief. "Secrets are heavy burdens, darling. She will understand. But you must ensure not to reveal too much." My heart ached for him. His life is nothing but lies and secrets. The only world he has ever known is one in which he is a protector, regardless of whether people know he plays such a role or not.

"I'll tell her tonight before rounds." I said with a heavy sigh. "Spend the night with her if you must. You can join me tomorrow." He offered. I took a chance and glanced up at him, ready to protest. I was cut short by a discrete flex of his fingers, a subtle wave of dismissal. "Alright. Thank you." With a simple nod, he stood from the staff table and left the hall. To onlookers, his nod appeared to be a farewell to his co-workers, but I knew it was for me.

"I was right; your Christmas was definitely more fun than mine." I laughed as Tas finally finished explaining in excruciating detail her Christmas and the snowball fight. "Come sleep in my room tonight." I said as we made our way to first period. Tas practically jumped onto my back at the suggestion. We haven't spent time together for so long, and she misses me just as much as I miss her. I couldn't ignore the nausea that bubbled up in my stomach, though. Realistically, I know being a Legilimens is not something I need to hide. However, the longer I kept it a secret, the harder it became to tell the truth.

~

I slumped down in my armchair and let my eyes glaze over. My day was long and draining. During D.A.D.A., Severus assured me again that I was doing the right thing by confiding in Tas. I wish I could confide in her about my relationship with him too, though. I would give anything to be able to share how happy I am with him. How confident, cherished, and loved he makes me feel. But if I could tell her, what would I say? The thought of finally opening up to Tas brought forth a whole new myriad of questions and anxieties that I have managed to suppress.