Let Me Hear You

[ Too Exposed, Too Soon ]

As exhausted as I was, I couldn't sleep. I moved an armchair in front of my window and ruminated over the last few weeks. I have been so consumed by my bond with Severus that I haven't stopped to think. So much has changed. So much has happened. I have learnt so much and so little.

Every day I have to walk the halls of this castle, knowing Dumbledore is going to die. Every day I wake up wondering if today is the day they will find him dead in his office. What is Harry Potter going to do when he dies? They fought Voldemort together last year; surely Dumbledore cannot leave the fate of our future in the hands of a sixteen-year-old?

How is this bond going to progress between Severus and me? As happy as I am that he finally trusts me, I can't help but feel uneasy, like there is something he is still hiding. At the beginning of the year, Dumbledore said he could not risk my safety. What does that mean? Will our bond put me in harm's way? Maybe I shouldn't have given him my key. More importantly, maybe he shouldn't have given me his. Did we move too fast?

What will come of our bond? Severus says that our destiny will reveal itself in time. But when? If merely touching each other sends flames through our entire nervous system, how much further must we go? Are we simply bonded through mind, body, and soul? Or must I help him with a project and through a trying ordeal, too? Like Dumbledore, Severus feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. And now that he is in my mind, it feels as though it rests on mine, too.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice I was crying until I heard a sob escape my throat. I have desperately been seeking answers these past few weeks, and all I have been left with is more questions. I am so overwhelmed. Tucking my knees under my chin, I let myself break. My whole body was shaking, and I could barely catch a breath; I felt like I was going to be sick.

My body was convulsing so hard that I was overheating. I could feel the sweat seeping through my clothes. With shaky legs and ragged breaths, I stood and stripped down so that I was left in my underwear. My knees hit the freezing mahogany floor, the physical pain a welcome distraction. I have been in this position many times before. I am having a panic attack.

I have vials of sleeping and calming draught in the drawer of my bedside table, but I know I won't be able to stand. Just as I picked my wand up from beside me to accio the two draughts, I felt someone kneel in front of me and a broad hand rest on my shoulder. I know that hand.

I couldn't look up at him. Not only could I not bear to have him see me in this state, I also knew I wouldn't be able to speak; I am still shaking. "Please leave." I begged. "What's wrong?" He ignored my plea. He was as overwhelmed as me, and I knew he wasn't going to leave. "Calming draught in my bedside table." I instructed. I heard him mutter accio, and the whoosh of the vial flying to his hand. I don't have anything to hide in the drawer, but I appreciate his respect of my privacy.

He pushed on my shoulder, gently coaxing me into an upright position. I slowly opened my puffy eyes; my eyelashes were soaked with unshed tears. I saw his onyx eyes travel quickly from my face, down my body, and back again to meet my eyes. I sucked in a breath, wrapping my trembling arms around my body. I had forgotten I was half naked. I wish I hadn't chosen to wear a matching lacy set today, but I wasn't exactly expecting company. Especially not at this hour. What time is it?

"It's ten past three. Drink." He reached out one hand and placed it on the back of my head, the other bringing the vial of calming draught to my lips. Keeping my eyes pinned on his, I parted my lips and let him pour the draught down my throat. He didn't let his eyes wander, not moving a muscle as we knelt in front of each other, waiting for my breathing to even out.

"Thank you, Severus." I shivered, letting out one last heavy sigh. I could speak again, and now that I was stable, the coldness of the floor was almost painful. I attempted to stand up, using the armchair next to me as support, but I couldn't move. My legs were numb from sitting on them for so long, and my knees ached. I was definitely going to be bruised tomorrow. I let out a shaky sigh and admitted defeat.