The Assassin Shadow - Bucky Barnes

Chapter 29

It's 2022. Which means that it's been 4 years. I've lost any hope of bringing them back. It's impossible, I just have to accept that they're gone. We're gonna be in 2023 soon. It's Christmas today, but I really don't feel like celebrating. Not when almost everyone I care about is dead. Nat gave each of us matching pajamas to wear today. May I just say that Rhodes was forced. I woke up after everyone else and as soon as I got downstairs, it was gift time. We all sit down in a circle. We decided to do a gift exchange.

"Who wants to start?" Natasha asks.

"I'll go." Uncle Stevie replies.

Steve starts by giving Rhodey a bottle of scotch. Then Rhodes continues, giving me the book I wished for all year. I thank him a thousand times before I give my mama a silver necklace with our names on it.

"It's beautiful! When did you get it?" She asks me before giving me a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Steve helped me buy it during one of your daily training sessions." I tell her with a small smile.

It finishes with Nat giving Cap a bunch of new punching bags 'cause he destroyed every single one in the compound. Natasha makes us pancakes that we all eat together then we get comfy in the cinema room and watch Christmas movies all morning and afternoon. At dinner time, we eat chinese food while discussing of our plans for the next few days

"Well, I have another meeting with a small group of people tomorrow and Thursday." Steve informs us.

"Oh yeah, the therapy you give for people who lost someone in the blip?" Rhodey says.

Stevie nods to him and a small silence settles around the table. "Well, I am going to go shopping this week. Lydia, you want to come along?" My mom asks me.

"Sure, as long as it's not Friday because I'm going skating with Rayna."

Nat looks at me amused with a smirk. "Oh really? Is she your little girlfriend?"

My face is warming up and I really hope it doesn't show too much that I'm blushing. "What no. She's just a friend."

At least that's what Rayna thinks, I thought. Not a long time ago I realized that I was bisexual and I told them. RayRay knows too but she just doesn't know that I got a crush on her. After dinner, we all go to our own occupations. Which means Steve went training with one of his new punching bags, which he promised not to break. I don't believe him. Rhodes went to Tony's old lab, Nat went into her room to watch even more Christmas movies and I went to my bedroom to start my new book. After five chapters, I decide to go to bed and I fall asleep quicker than I thought I would.

***

I'm at the mall, being pulled from one store to the next by Natasha. I really wanted to stay in my room and read all day or just relax but I've been forced to go shopping. I know I already agreed to come but turns out that I wasn't feeling like shopping today. I sigh loudly as we enter H&M.

"Oh, come on! You're going skating with your 'friend' and you think I'm not going to buy you new clothes for the special occasion?" She says with a small smile, making quote marks in the air while saying friend. I blush a little but I try to cover it by rolling my eyes and turning away from her. "You're literally blushing! And did you really think I wouldn't find out?"

"Alright, you got me! But she only sees me as a friend." I reply.

"How do you know that?"

I open my mouth to answer her but close it as soon as I realize that I have no answer. Come to think of it, Rayna never told me she was straight and sometimes she blushes when I compliment her. No, I can't think that. I can't allow myself to get my hopes up. I've been deceived way too much to make the same error again.

"And just saying, but I'm pretty sure she'd find you stunning in that top." She tells me, pointing to a simple, cute white top.

"She would actually." I answer, smiling more to myself at the thought of Ray than to Nat. I take it and go try it on. When I look in the mirror, I can see that it suits me very well. I show it to my mama before taking it off, paying for it and going to another shop. It's going to be a long day.

***

I almost didn't sleep last night. I was just too excited about the fact that I'm going skating with Rayna today. I think I checked my bag like 20 times to be sure that everything was perfect and of course I'm wearing the white top. I get downstairs and quickly eat the soup my mom made me. I look at the clock and I see that it's already 12:45. It means that it's time to leave. I grab my bag, and check it once again, before getting into the car. As Steve drives me to the outdoor rink, I can't stop stressing. I don't understand, seeing RayRay has never had such an effect on me.

"We're here." Uncle Stevie says.

"Thanks for the ride." I say before getting out of the car. I see Rayna already waiting for me. I wave and hurry to meet her. "Hey Ray! How are you doing?"

"Hi, I'm great. Wow, I love your outfit!" She says, making me blush. Luckily she doesn't notice, thanks to the cold. "Let's get our skates on." She continues. We walk together to the small bench to tie our skates. I go on the ice first as I'm more comfortable skating. When she comes to get on, I see that she isn't sure of herself. I hold out my hand to her to give her support. She takes it without hesitation and we skate hand in hand for some time.

"This is so fun. It was such a great idea." She says.

I smile fondly at her. "Yeah, it's true." I notice that she's shivering a bit. "We've been skating for a long time, are you cold?"

"A little. But you seemed to be enjoying yourself, so I didn't want to put an end to it. It's been a while since I've seen you smile like that." She tells me.

Her answer caught me off guard. Could she be giving me a sign that she likes me? "Well, I'm happy because of you." I reply with a big smile.

She giggles a little. "You, Lydia, sure know how to flatter your friends."

I laugh a little. I try to keep my smile as normal as possible while I'm falling apart inside. How could I have been so stupid to think she loved me as more than a friend? "It's getting late. I should call Steve and have him pick me up. Do you have a drive home?"

"I don't but it's fine, I'll walk."

"No way. Steve will be happy to give you a lift home." I say. I call Cap and ask to pick us up. When he gets here, we hop in the car and we drive to her house. As he parks in her drive through, we say goodbye to each other with a hug. A friendly one. Then we head back to the compound. Dinner was just ready so we ate and I went straight back to my room when I was done. Tears well up in my eyes. I can't believe I've been fooling myself when I told myself not to. Although it's early, I get into my pajamas and attempt to fall asleep, trying to forget that this has become one of the worst days I've ever had.