Old Habits
1995
Adina's POV
Sneaking into the front door of my father's house since I made it here far too late, I know he wouldn't be too happy.
Even though I'm 18, my father would never stop being protective of me.. even if I was damn near 60.
The living room being dark, the only light source being the blueish tinted light from the small tv.
A silhouette of my father on the couch.
I immediately stop in my tracks...
shit.. my dad would usually already be sleep.. I'm sure my mom is by now though.
In order to get to my room I have to pass the couch in the living room... lemme try and be quiet as possible.
Tip toein' like them niggas in the cartoons, I make it half way past him. "Dina Baby." My dad calls my nick name, the name sounding sweet but his voice sounding off for sure.
My dad's been actin weird as shit lately... and honestly it reminds me of when he used to use substances... but I mean.. he wouldn't do that again... right?
No.. he promised me. And my momma. They've been doing so well together and I've been able to see a genuine connection between them again...like how it used to look when I was in my single digits. His work hours definitely put a dent in that.. but when he is around, he still treats us well....He wouldn't do what he did to us twice...right?
I hesitate to speak but I know he can see me so there's no choice in trying to act as if I'm not here. "Yes, daddy?" I turn around, looking at him still seated on the couch.
"What took so long?" His voice only slurs in the slightest way making my eyebrows draw together as I notice a drink in his hands.
The fear of having to lie about me and Marshall replaces with confusion. "Dad, what are you drinkin'?" I ask cautiously.
He doesn't respond for a while, letting out a sigh. "Baby, I lost my job a couple days ago, I know ya mama won't be happy... Ive just been needin' a stress reliever-"
"You've been drinkin' again?!" I whisper-shout in disbelief.
My intuitions were sadly correct.
"Dina, I'm sorry." His head shakes slightly in disappointment of himself.
I can't even feel mad about this right now...I mean I am mad, I'm very disappointed in him... much more than a little. But.. we've went through this already. Hell am I supposed to do? The disappointment also mixes with fear, in remembrance of our traumatic past.
A quiet groan escapes my mouth feeling already sick of the situation...he was doing so good for two years.
"Don't tell ya mama, Dina.. pleas-"
"Oh, I won't, daddy... I want you to tell her yourself. I couldn't bare tellin' my mama somethin' that would break her heart so damn bad..." My voices cracks in devastation.
"Adina-"
"You need to stop resortin' to shit like this when things wanna go down hill... Daddy, it ain't even that big of a deal! I could easily helped you pay bills with the money that I'm making at my new job, why don't you ever just ask for help??" Frustration sows through my tone.
"I don't need help."
"Yea you do! Weird shit you've been doin' these past couple weeks is startin' to add up...I just would've never imagined you'd do this again-"
"I'm sorry-"
"Ay, save it for mama, aight? Cause I'm tired of hearin' them words from you." I end the conversation there, going to my room.
...maybe I didn't have to be so rude to my father...but I can't have what we used to go through turn into a cycle again.. it was hell.
The fact that the events that me and my mother would go through with my dad may be resurfacing into reality again genuinely haunts and scares me... this is fuckin' ridiculous...does he have no sense?! He almost lost his life over this shit! We almost lost our lives!... but I don't know how to go about it this time. Not that I did in the past.
Now I know I'm movin' outta here... at first it was just because I wanted my own space.. everything between everyone was fine. So it seemed.
But now my father is picking up old habits and I don't even know if he'll tell mama about this...but I know she wouldn't be satisfied with it, not one bit.
