Too much
1995
Adina's POV
I felt numb... I swear to god I would have killed him if I wasn't feelin the way I was feelin about Mama P.
I can't believe she's gone and I can't believe I didn't even know for 3 whole fuckin' days. I wanted to be a lil mad at Deshaun for not letting people know right away but I understand him completely.
He loved his mama so much. And so did I... everyone loved her—She was the sweetest.
She was beautiful, she was funny, she always seemed happy and it's wild to have someone who radiated so much warmth and joy to just pass away like that... the way that she did.
My mom's been takin' in more shifts at work. I'm actually not sure why she's been taking in more shifts but that's the reason she hasn't been able to visit Mama P as often.
But my mama had just saw her a couple weeks ago... she seemed to be doing fine even thought the cancer was gettin' worse. She still was happy and had hope.
The reason why Deshaun hadn't talked to me and Marshall after what happened on Christmas was because he was mad... we knew that. But mostly cause his mama wasn't getting any better and he knew it.
He said it was weighing on him that entire week. He knew it was coming to an end, he just didn't know it would be that early. No one did.
He was inside all the time, preparing I guess... and drinking to take the weight off of his shoulders which made me feel so devastated...
He should have told someone about that shit... it would have been at least a tad bit easier on him.
...I didn't know Marshall was livin' wit Deshaun those past like.. 3 days either.
That's why I was so damn shocked when he came out of Deshaun's crib.
...I was so confused on why Kim was there though.... I'm so fuckin' done wit that bitch too, yo.
Ion really know much about Kim... but fuck.. I wish she would stay away from Marshall... I really did.
But I'm a whole lot more mad at Marshall. For letting Kim kiss him like that.
As soon as I opened Deshaun's front door, I saw Kim's lips—....Ugh. I can't even say that shit.. I don't even wanna rethink it.
The rage and sadness that I'm holdin' in right now is unbearable... I can't believe him. I genuinely can't.
That's what I'm sayin' though... like who the fuck knows what was goin' down at Kim's crib when Marshall was livin there.
I can't believe how fuckin' calm I was when I saw that shit.... I ain't broke down yet. I ain't cried about shit.
I'm too busy being hurt about Mama P... but damn, Marshall..
I know that boy would fuck up at some point.
When does he ever not?!
He's always fuckin' up.
Even though I tried so hard not to...tears still fell from my eyes. Not a sound coming from my mouth, my face not changing in anyway. Tears just fell.
As Angelo drove me back home I had so many mixed emotions churning in the core of my stomach. I felt like I wanted to throw up from the feeling. I don't know why but it made me feel so nauseous And sick to the stomach.
Seeing Marshall's lips on Kim's.. seeing how she can control his emotions so easily... seeing Deshaun be in such a mournful state... hearing the news about Mama P... the thought of having to go through the pain of telling my mom about Mama P.. all that's happened these past couple weeks... it's just too much for me honestly.
