Repeating thoughts
1995
Marshall's POV
After Adina left that day, Deshaun eventually called other family members and close friends over, or they just talked over the phone.
I tried to stay out of it and stay in my room but the amount of times I heard Deshaun break down was so heartbreaking.
Now it's the end of Mama P's funeral. The days that led up to this day felt real slow and empty.
...with everything that had been going on. I hadn't seen Adina in days, we hadn't talked in days... and it tore me apart to see her crying at the funeral.. Cause I knew what she had been through recently, it wasn't only Mama P's death she was mourning... I know not everything is about me, but I couldn't help but think about how she saw Kim kissing me...
She barely looked at me, she didn't talk to me at all...
Her mama did though, and her brother, Eugene... Deshaun introduced me to him cause of course...none of them knew what was goin on with us...
Eugene looked just like Adina. Their genes is strong as shit. It was nice meeting him for the first time.
Apparently she told him about me in the past, not sure when. But he tried giving me that protective brother and 'new boyfriend' talk at the end of the service...Adina tried pulling him away immediately because... you know why.
I didn't see her father though which upset me somewhat... I don't know what's goin' on with him or if he was busy...he couldn't have been if he has no job... but it would have been decent for him to come with them...giving the state that they were in. But Ion know what's really goin' on, so whatever.
When Adina had pulled Eugene away... she had this look on her face when she locked eyes with me and I've never seen those eyes before. I could tell she was actively trying to hide it....It only broke me more and more...
Are we even together anymore?....ion wanna say that. I really don't and I really don't even wanna think about it but somehow that's the only thing I can think about... my girl... that's my girl, yo.. And I really don't wanna lose her.
But is she though?... I fucked up. I know I did... of course... I don't know how she feels.
Like I don't know what she wants... and I'm fuckin' confused. I wish she would just fuckin' talk to me.
I've called her over and over and over again and I continued to get zero answers or calls back... I miss her, yo.
...I've been getting calls back from a girl ion want shit to do with. And that girl is Kim...
I wanna say I hate her, I wanna say this is all of her fault but I play a huge part in this shit too...aight? I shouldn't have been fightin wit Kim like that.
Just the same shit we always fight over, she's always fuckin' jealous, yo... and honestly I just wish she'd stay the fuck away from me.
I used to love when she wouldn't leave me alone... I mean I hated it but it boosted my ego to know somebody would just come back like that even after what I did... whether it was cheating... or something else.
I don't know... but I'm over that shit, yo. Why would I wanna be with a female who lacks so much fuckin self respect that she goes back to the mothafucka that cheated on her or did whatever fucked up thing to her... with out a mothafucka apologizing??... We would just fuck, then everything would be 'fine', and then the cycle continued.
I know Adina don't play about the shit though... she's always made it clear to me that she doesn't. And it only makes me respect her more and more. But somehow I keep fucking up.
