Emotions
1995
Adinas POV
My brother packed his things to leave and go back to Mississippi in a few...I could tell my mom was really down about it. But he does have a life in Mississippi. He's got a girlfriend, and a little doggy named Rosco. I wanna meet him one day. And I'm gonna miss my brother too....but really, all my mind seems to do is wander its way back to Marshall and Bugz.
Today is Bugz 3rd day being in the hospital and still, everything is goin wonderful.
We got a hold of his mamas number and we informed her on what happened. She told us that she'll gladly let him stay with her throughout his recovery and all of the court process. Since he isn't able to stay at his old apartments... I'm still shocked about how Angelo was his roommate this whole time.
Luckily, Bugz did had a firearm license instead of just illegally havin' a pistol layin' around his house...his charges should be a whole lot less major since he's got a license.
After Marshall and Angelo had given me a very short and non detailed rundown or what happened...I was a lil shocked for sure... and I was pissed—That they'd be fightin' over somethin' so fuckin' ridiculous.
....I didn't expect Marshall to already be there...I knew he would—I met Bugz through Marshall and Deshaun but I just didn't know Angelo would have informed Marshall about it himself...since they don't like eachother. But I later found out that they were there together in the first place and they had been through all of this shit in such a short span of time together.
But since I didn't know that—When I finally got to the waiting room...the tension between Angelo and Marshall didn't seem so bad...maybe because the tension between Marshall and I was like a huge fuckin elephant in the room....
I didn't mean to make a fuss like that at him... I genuinely didn't...but it was like—When I saw him, all of the 'aww I miss him...maybe I should just talk to him' blah blah blah mess, quickly vanished from any part of me. I was pissed...and I didn't wanna see his stupid face, I didn't wanna speak to him...I also noticed the black eye that he had...but my hurt feelings quickly took over my concern.
Marshall had the audacity to call me 'baby'. I was so mad at him.... and then he wanted to lie to me?!... as soon as I got home, I cried.
My brother tried talking to me but I didn't have the time to speak to anyone, I was so mad—More sad I guess...when I thought about it more.
He really almost gave in... I didn't even fuckin' know either.
And I know I said I knew—But I didn't. The only way for me to get him to tell me the truth was for me to be confident about it, saying that I knew that he almost did. When really, I wasn't too sure... and I was hopin he'd say he really didn't...but he did.
And that just dug me into a deeper hole...like—Full of all of these insecurities, and regrets, and overthinking problems, and raging anxiety....cant I just get over it???
I feel like I really can't though. Everytime I think about, this unexplainable sensation of...
I can't find the word for it but it doesn't feel good and it just spreads all over and It makes me wanna cry. Relentlessly.
And that's all I did last night after I came from the hospital...
I took a shower this morning thinkin' it would definitely help me but it didn't. All I could do was cry—Am I being emotional? I kept askin' myself that and I hated the fact that I was bein' emotional. And that shit only made me cry even more—What's wrong with me? Is there somethin' wrong with me??
