You're safe now. (Blitzø x reader 18+)

I hate myself (TW: Eating Disorder)

You'd cried and cried until there were no tears left to shed and you felt like...an empty shell. You fucking hated it. You stared at yourself in the mirror and sneered slightly. You'd lost a lot of weight in the past month since Loona was murdered right in front of you. You hated the way you looked. You looked sick.

'Ugh....look at yourself, Y/N.....'

You thought bitterly, draping a sheet over the mirror. You didn't want to look at yourself. You knew you needed to eat but the thought of food made you physically gag. You stared down at yourself. The shirt that once fit you very nicely was now way too big. Your eyes darkened and you walked out of your bedroom, silent. You hadn't said a single word since the incident. You got in the shower to get ready for work, and Blitz came to check on you after you'd been in there for a while. He spoke softly as he slowly opened the door.

"Love...? Are you alright in here...?"

You poked your head slightly out of the curtain, and he could see you were sitting in the bottom of the tub, your knees to your chest. He slowly knelt by the edge of the tub, opening the curtain slightly and cupping your cheek. His eyes were soft, and worried.

"Oh my love....."

His eyes flicked down slightly and his face got even more concerned when he saw just how much weight you'd lost, and he traced a finger on your ribs.

"Y-Y/N........you....."

His voice quivered slightly. You looked at him and teared up. You hated being this skinny....it made you feel physically sick. You were silent for a long while before speaking for the first time in a month, since it happened.

"......I.....h...hate...this........I....c..can't eat......"

Your voice was raspy with disuse, but he was happy to hear your voice again.

"I know baby....w-we'll....we'll figure something out......."

You leaned your wet head against his chest, and he cradled your head softly. You then said something that made his heart break a little.

".......I....I hate how ugly I am........"

His heart ached. He lifted your chin and gazed at you.

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that.....you're beautiful......in every capacity...."

You whispered.

"I don't feel like it.."

He sighed very softly.

"But you are, Y/N.........you are so beautiful...no matter what you look like.."

You gazed at him and your eyes softened, and he smiled gently and kissed you softly.

"You don't want to be late for work my love..."

Your shoulders slumped. Fuck, you forgot you had to work. He gently helped you stand up in the tub, and stepped out of the bathroom to give you some privacy. You loved how respectful he was, even as your boyfriend. You felt a bit better after getting out of the shower. You hadn't been to work in a month, but luckily Val was very understanding. You sighed softly and got dressed, going to the kitchen. You were going to attempt to eat something, and you rummaged through the fridge to find something light. Blitz's eyes softened in relief as he saw you begrudgingly bite into an apple, gagging slightly but you managed. Millie ran up to you and gave you a big hug, and you hugged her back, smiling a little.

"Hey, Mills..."

Her eyes lit up at the sound of your voice. They were all happy to hear you speak again. Millie squealed happily.

"It's so nice to hear ya speaking again...."

"It feels good to speak..I hate to break the moment but I gotta get ready for work, Val will be here any minute to pick me up."

You held a piece of peanut butter toast in your teeth and put on your shoes, grabbing your purse and kissing Blitz before you heard Val's driver abruptly honk the horn outside, and you quickly left. You hadn't been out of the building in three weeks. Val embraced you tightly as soon as you got in the car. He fell quiet when he felt how much weight you'd lost.

"My dear...have you been eating..?"

You hesitated, but you shook your head. Val had never given you a reason to be dishonest with him...so you never were. you told him quietly about it, and he listened, his eyes softening, his hands resting on your sides on your ribs.

"My dear..when we get there..will you please try to eat something...? Allow me to rephrase that....try to eat something bigger than toast...."

"...I can't sir...I'll get sick..."

He sighed softly but nodded in understanding.

"Then I won't force you. But my dear you have to take better care of yourself.."

You nodded softly.

"...I know....it's just....."

Your words caught in your throat as you thought about Loona and you felt a sharp squeezing sensation at your heart as it ached with grief. Val pulled you into a hug and you were trying desperately to maintain your composure, but you broke down, tears streaming down your face as you sobbed into Val's chest. The driver groaned a bit and you were the only one to hear him groan. You curled up, forcefully silencing your cries to keep the driver from judging you further. But bottling this was physically painful. Once you and Val were inside you collapsed on the bed and started crying uncontrollably. He was by your side in an instant to comfort you. You felt extremely vulnerable and you hated it. Your breathing became rapid and panicky. Your fists clamped around your hair and yanked hard and Val gripped your wrists, trying to pry hair out of your fists. He couldn't bear to see you like this...you were not ready to come back to work yet and you both knew it. You would not be able to do your job safely if you couldn't concentrate completely.

"Y/N, my dear I'm taking you home...you need more time..I can tell...I am not angry or upset in any way shape or form......I promise...you've just been through a very traumatic experience..and with only a month's time to recover..I will be okay.."

You buried your face in his chest, hugging your arms around yourself tightly. He hugged you close, carrying you out to his car, and the driver grumbled grumpily. You heard him and fell quiet for a moment before speaking to Val.

"...I th-think your driver has an issue with me..."

Val glared into the rear view mirror just in time to see the driver give a sharp glare at you and his face darkened in embarrassment when he saw Val's face glaring right back. The rest of the ride back to IMP headquarters was silent. Val quietly ran his fingers through your hair and sighed quietly.

"Alright, my dear...you take all the time off you need....."

He gently helped you out of the car and led you back inside IMP headquarters. Blitz looked confused but then Val told him you weren't in any shape to come back to work and that he completely understood. He bid you goodbye and left. You curled up in Blitz's bed with him that night, cuddling close to him. You didn't want to be alone..