Yellow Roses

Chapter 1: Angel

The morning started just like any other day - hitting the snooze button about 5 times until I could actually get up. "Angel, You need to get up for school!" My mother yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

I groaned loudly as I rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone; the brightness of the screen nearly caused me temporary blindness. The time was 6:45am. I was supposed to be out of bed about 30 minutes ago, but that rarely happens.

"Angel Lynn Ryder!" My mom yelled again. Oh no, when she says my full name, I know she's really pissed. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, then she bolted into my room. "Angel if you're late to school again, I'm shutting off your phone and taking away your laptop!" I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Chill out, I was just about to get out of bed." I groaned as she crossed her arms and looked at me sternly. "Good. You've got 15 minutes to leave if you don't want to be tardy. I better not get another phone call!" She finally walked out of my room and slammed the door behind her.

I guess I should actually try to be a good student today. I quickly got out of bed and put on a red flannel with black skinny jeans and combat boots. I applied on some make up, grabbed my school bag, and walked out of the house with a s'mores pop tart before telling my mother goodbye.

It's only about 2 months into my senior year of high school, and I'm just glad to get the hell out soon. My grades aren't the best, but they're satisfactory. I walked a few short blocks up the street to arrive at my bus stop, and was perfectly on time because it pulled up when I did. Nice.

The bus ride is the worst part about going to school. People smell bad and talk really loud to each other, even though it's 7am. I always sit in a seat by myself, then put my bag next to me to signal to others that I want to avoid anyone sitting next to me.

I usually put on headphones and blare my favorite music, which is anything from grunge, electronic, rap, or indie. Even then, sometimes the loud laughter and chatting of others on the bus still are too noisy to be drowned out from my music. I'm starting to hate myself for being so lazy to not have my license by now.

For the next 20 minutes of the bus ride, I began to reflect on my past and how I got the group of friends I have now.

When I was a teenager, I always wondered if life would get better. I was alone, lost, and had a hard time making friends. I was bullied often, made fun of by boys, all which led to eating disorders and the start to a never ending depression.

A couple months into my 8th grade year, I was assaulted by a boy I thought was my friend. Someone I used to play video games with over the summer, someone I shared mutual friends with as well.

We stopped being friends because our friendship turned bitter when he started to call me ugly and annoying. One day he asked if I wanted to come over to hang out, and my stupid ass thought it was his way of making up how terrible he had been treating me. I was very wrong.

I was on the verge of ending it all. I had pondered the thought of suicide, but had a hard time deciding how I wanted to go out. Did I want to disguise it as an accident to save my family from the heart break? Or did I want it to be as dramatic as possible to make those who wronged me feel guilty for what they did?

I couldn't swallow up the courage to follow through with anything, but all the intense emotions I was always feeling started to build up, and I didn't know how to release it.

I started to harm myself, and one day at school, I slipped up and rolled up my sleeves to wash my hands in the bathroom. There was a girl next to me who noticed, but I quickly walked away before giving them a moment to process what they had seen.