Rekindled with Rage

41: February 27th, 2022

I smiled as his familiar arms wrapped around me. I hugged him back, taking in his cologne for a moment. "Happy early birthday, beautiful," he said gently as he kissed me on my temple before letting me go.

"Thank you, Jake," I replied.

"How you been?" He asked, pulling out my chair so I could sit down. We had a small table for two in a dim corner. So small he was practically sitting next to me.

"I've been... good," I shrugged.

He raised a brow, "So good you invited me out to dinner for your birthday?"

I sighed, "So I've been better."

He laughed softly, his rough hand gently covering mine as he stared at me with a lazy but sweet gaze. My mouth went dry. Up until our breakup, things with Jake had been... Perfect. Almost too perfect. But... at least he wanted to marry me. And that's all I could think about.

I thought I was over it. Our breakup. Our picture perfect relationship. Him. But now I'm covered in doubt. Wondering if letting him go was my biggest mistake. What if the other shoe never dropped? What if I got to be a happy wife with a good man? What if we did have kids? What if he was my happy ending? And I just shut the book on us too soon.

"You look good," he said after a few moments while two glasses of champagne were brought to us. And the waiter said he'd give us some time to look over the menus.

I blushed, "So do you." He did. He looked... His hair was grown out and his beard looked soft and inviting. He was the only man I ever dated who could even grow facial hair. At least the right way.

"So where's that new man of yours I've been hearing all about?" He questioned.

I winced. Dylan and I got lunch a week back with Maggie, Jake's sister, and her husband Peter. We all had a good time. Not to mention Blake and Ryan were still friends of mine which Jake and I had in common. Then there was the media who was saying god knows what. I hadn't bothered to read it. It only made me upset. Which was no good to anyone.

"He's working," I shrugged. "He runs a Meadery. He makes mead for a living."

He nodded, "That's cool." I froze as Jake's hand slid up my wrist to gently and affectionately rub my arm. "He always work this late?"

I shuttered, "No." Was this a mistake? Jake's pretty blue eyes were seducing me. Not that the a dinner this late, alone, and intimate didn't give  him illicit ideas already. But wasn't that my intention? To feel things out with him. See if there was anything left to rekindle. And if there was, if he was open to it too. Because I knew what future I wanted. I just needed a man to want it with me.

"I heard you got an apartment in New York," he said softly, his voice a whisper. "Why am I just now seeing you, Livvy?"

Oh, god. Did he always sound so... husky? His chair seemed to move closer as his other hand caressed my knee. "I've been busy," I said breathlessly. Part of me wanted to push him away but another part was reading him. It was clear as day. Nothing had changed for him. He still wanted me.

"Why are we here?" He asked, leaning his head towards mine. "What do you want from me?"

"I don't know," I admitted, pushing his hand off my knee. I wasn't sure what I wanted from him. A sign from the universe if he was right for me.

Jake chuckled, "You're having doubts." And then just like that he pulled away from me. As if I imagined how... close we were. That his eyes were filled with heat. That I was frozen under his familiarity and curiosity. If I crossed the line... I'd certainly sabotage whatever Dylan and I had. And what we had was... good. Was it great? Well I've been sleeping on the couch because the idea of laying next to another someone who won't actually commit has made me sick.