Forever Yours - A LankyBox Fanfiction Story

Chapter 19 - Justin Succumbs To his Depression (Adam And Justin's POVs)

Justin's POV

I woke up in the middle of the night, having yet another panic attack. I was covered in sweat. Hyperventelating. Shaking. My heart, which used to sing with rejoice, now felt as if it would burst out of my chest. I just wanted it to end. Why did I even read those Instagram hate comments? I knew it would do me no good, but I still found myself scrolling through them somehow. Well, maybe the haters were right. Adam deserved someone way better than me. I was just a lame, useless, worthless, good-for-nothing guy. A waste of space. I'd been walking this earth for 28 years, and in that moment, I started to wonder why I was even born. What was I made for? Why was I even alive? Why did I even exist? I couldn't take it anymore. As negative thoughts after negative thoughts flooded my mind, I came to a decision I never thought I would come to. A decision I would later on regret making.

I made my way to Adam's room the next day. It was still pretty early in the morning, so everyone was still asleep, including him. I slowly and quietly approached him. Tears started falling down my face as I hugged him. I planted a passionate kiss on his lips, then I whispered in his ear.

"I love you, Adam. Never forget that, okay? I'm so sorry I haven't been that picture-perfect boyfriend. You deserve someone better. And I'm afraid that's not me. I'm so..." I broke off, crying hard now. It took me a few seconds before I managed to utter the word "sorry" once again, then I was out of Adam's room. Before my mind could stop me, I had taken out a bottle of sleeping pills prescribed to me by a Doctor from the medicine cabinet. I looked at it for a moment. A little part of me was telling me to just put it back in the cabinet, while the bigger part of me was daring me to do it. JUST END IT ALL, JUSTIN! DO IT! DRINK THE PILLS! GO ON! GRAB A HANDFUL! THE WORLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT YOU IN IT! ADAM's LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT YOU IN IT! THE SOONER YOU DO THIS, THE BETTER! COME ON! DRINK THE PILLS, YOU LOSER!!!

Without thinking twice, I took a deep breath, grabbed a handful of pills, and popped them in my mouth, downing them all with a bottle of water I kept on my bedside table. It would take a while for the pills to kick in, so at least I would get to spend time with Adam one last time. Just a few more hours, then I'd be gone. I'd be in heaven. Or hell. Or nowhere at all. I didn't care anymore.

Adam's POV

I woke up to a warm hug and a passionate kiss from Justin. He whispered something in my ear, but I was still half-asleep, so I didn't quite catch what he said. When I was finally fully-awake and about to get up to greet him, he was gone. He probably went back to his room to try and get some more sleep considering he woke up in the middle of the night due to a really bad panic attack.

Slowly, I got out of bed and headed to the shower. Twenty minutes later, I was all dressed, making my way downstairs to the kitchen, where I found DJ and Tristan, already having their breakfast.

"Good morning, boys!" I said with a smile. They both looked up from their plates, returning the smile right back.

"Yo, Adam!" DJ greeted me: "Let's eat. We made breakfast for you and Justin as well."

"Speaking of Justin," Tristan said, "how's he doing, Adam? I know things haven't been easy for you guys lately. What with his depression and all." I let out a sigh.

"I don't know, Tristan. He hasn't been himself since that incident with one of our fans' Instagram post. He's been so distant with me these days, too. It's just, it's like he's drifting away from me. It's like we're back to square one all over again. But I won't give up on him, though. Never in a billion years. I'm gonna get him out of this depression. I don't care how long it takes. I'm gonna have him back."

"We're all gonna get him out of this depression," Tristan stated, "if we know Justin at all, he'll be laughing and hitting us with his puns before we know it. He's a fighter. Always has been. Always will be." DJ and I nodded, agreeing with every word Tristan had uttered.