Nothing Left To Break

36

Tommy Shelby had spent the last year frantically searching for Leilani Solomons. Well, trying his best.

During this time, a lot had happened for Tommy. Personally.

He had spent a night with Grace soon after Lani had left. He knew that it was a mistake and was just a distraction for him. He tried to fool himself that he was in love with this woman. So much so that when she announced she was pregnant, Tommy proposed and they were married within the month.

They were in a miserable, loveless marriage. That was until a month ago, when he had returned to their new home and found Grace and their child, Charles were gone. No trace was left of them except a small note from Grace that read:

Tommy,
This is best for all of us. I have found another man to marry and he will raise Charles as his own. I do not grant you permission to contact either of us in the future. You do not love me, and I do not love you, not anymore. You love her. Find her and live a short mediocre life together.
-Grace.

The letter filled Tommy with anger. He had taken her son away from him. Away from his protection. As his son he was automatically in danger, and he could not protect him when he was off with his crazy mother chasing a stranger. This drove him insane as he tried to track them down. He had found them a few days later. Grace had boarded a ship to America. Tommy already knew their address and the man who she was now married to. He had men shipped over there permanently to report back anything of importance. And to keep them safe.

Once he knew that had been dealt with, he returned his entire free second of time to Leilani and their child. Who he was yet to meet. He didn't even know if it had been born. He had tried everything. He went to Alfie asking for information, but all he said was the he didn't know. She had come to see him with a suitcase saying that she was pregnant, and had to leave. Then she left, without another word. Ada wasn't help either. She wouldn't utter a word to him.

Tommy knew that she knew of her whereabouts. But she was a Shelby. As much as she hated to admit it. And won't. She was stubborn. Stuck in her ways. So there was not a lot of hope there.

He didn't know what else to do. He was driving himself and everyone around him into a state of madness.

The other side of his brain was occupied by business. Everything was piling up and he couldn't stop it.

Luca Changretta had been pushing into him and his business repetitively and without a break for months. He needed to stop him. But he was angry.

A blinder had killed his cousin. Changretta then killed one of the blinders, it was a never ending cycle. He and his family were in constant danger, more so than usual.

When he wasn't dwelling and plotting over his business his thoughts wondered.

If he was alive, what was the name of his child? Was he safe? And where the fuck was he?

Was he calling another man his Father?

Was Lani married? Loving another man. Kissing another man. The thought made him sick.

Now when he falls asleep, when he doesn't hear the shovels and screams of other men. His thoughts are consumed by her. The thoughts of what could have been. If he had just got over himself and shot that man. No double guessing. She didn't even have to know. The thought never would have crossed her mind otherwise. He knew that he was trying to protect her. But fuck why did it have to do this. Hurt her this much. Cause her this much pain and drive her to such great lengths.

One year ago

Polly lingered in the doorway of Tommy's office, looking down. She found herself in a situation that she is not used to. She was nervous. Scared of what he was going to say, do. But she knew that he couldn't do anything. See, Polly knew exactly where Lani was. And as much as it pained her, she could not tell Tommy, or let on that she knew. No, she had to put on a facade. She knew that Tommy had to do this by himself.

"Is she alright?" Tommy asks, his eyes shifting from the documents on his table to the uneasy woman who had still not entered the room.

Polly sighed and closed the door behind her as she walked over to her nephew. She leans over and grabs the gun and hat from his side. He couldn't have them near him while she tells him this.

"She's pregnant Tommy" she whispers. At this Tommy's eyes spring up, he pushes himself away from the table with so much force that the documents and most of the things on his desk crash to the floor. 

"Fuck" he shouts angrily. Not at Polly, or Lani. At himself. He had messed everything up. He had fucked up his life. Or his possible life that was just out of reach. And it was his won fault.

"And she's gone" Polly continues. Bringing herself to look at her nephew. He looked as though he was about to burst into tears at any moment. It broke her.

The following months were hell for everyone. He had stupidly gotten Grace pregnant. The family would never accept her and they both knew that. Grace just flaunted about with her new life and child. Polly had thought many times how easy it would be to just shoot her. Well, it would be easy in the moment. Tommy would kill her. But fuck it would be a good way to die.

So, when Grace left, although it was devastating to know that she had taken Charles with her. She knew that it was a good thing for Tommy. He couldn't be a Father when he was here. He didn't love his Mother,  and that drove the paternal relationship between the two apart. Polly noticed the look in his eyes when he looked at Charles. Loss. Like whenever he looked at him he saw what could have been, with Lani.

Present

John came running into Tommy's house. Tommy was sat alone, as always, by his dining room table eating a depressing looking meal.

"What do you want John?" Tommy asks angrily. Like he was really that busy. John rolled his eyes momentarily at his brothers attitude that had been rotten for the past year.

"I found her"