potato randomly half-venting?

real.

i don't feel real anymore.

this whole year has been a blur
to the point i barely remember
any of the madness that has occured
since january first.

it flew by, but the phrase isn't right
when you're not having fun, time still flies by.
it goes by regardless, no matter how hard you try.
and then one day i'll finally die.
no matter how hard i try,
thing is, i still can't deny
that deep down, inside of my mind,
i feel nothing but pure apathetize.

there's no end to this, i feel disconnected.

from reality.
from everyone.
from myself.

i don't think i am real.

if i was, then i'd be able to feel
the excitement everyone else deals
instead of having to conceal
and hide behind a mask all for appeal.

i'm an outsider to my own life.
hell, can you even consider me alive?
when all i do is cry and cry
about how truth is, i think i want to die.
well, that's all i can do, is whine,
because even with help, it's a matter of time,
before everything unwinds,
and i'm destroyed by my own mind.

there's no end to this, i'm probably depressed.

i'm empty.
i'm broken.
i'm hollow.

i don't think i should be real.

and even if i was, i wouldn't want to be.
i'd much rather be in my own place, happy.
away from all of what remains of society.
and some of my dearest people there with me.

we'd all be up there, up in the sky
where nobody could end our high.
we'd be able to talk all day and night
and no-one could hurt us, right?
but i guess life's not that nice
because it's destroyed me twice.
and now, i'm starting to realize
that maybe life is just one big lie.

there's no end to this, not even one that begins with s.

we're trapped.
we're stuck.
we're alone.

i don't think i want to be real.

disconnected from reality,
feeling completely empty,
trapped there by society,
i don't wanna be real.

disconnected from everyone,
broken by my lack of fun,
stuck in this stupid rut,
i don't wanna be real.

disconnected from myself,
which is a hollow shell,
alone with absolutely no help,
i don't wanna be real.

i don't wanna be real.
i don't wanna be real.
i don't wanna be real.
i don't wanna be real.