Love after Life

The conundrum

Wow, what a weekend! I cheated on my husband!

Wait, that's bad. But I didn't REALLY cheat on my husband; my best friend and I merely had phone and webcam sex on Sunday morning!

Wait, that's actually cheating. I cheated on my husband. I cheated on him, twice, and I kinda, sorta, not really NOT regret it. I mean I obviously do! I HATE that I did it! I know what I did was wrong, I know it'll hurt Tony like hell if... when he finds out, and I know my kids will be scarred for life for it. My problem is, I don't regret it enough.

I should feel WORSE than I do, I know it! I should feel like garbage, like I deserve to be smacked around by my husband, humiliated in front of everybody, get told to my face I'm the worst person ever; you get the idea. But, I don't feel that way. I actually only feel like, if/when Tony finds out, he'll leave me and take the kids, and I'd deserve it. WHICH ISN'T SOMETHING I WANT, OF COURSE! I'm just saying, that's as bad as I feel about this whole thing.

"Morning," I said to my coworkers as I got into Mel's car.

"Yeah, hey," they all said in unison.

"Good weekend?" I asked.

"Yeah," Mel shrugged. "Another date, not bad."

"Wife and I watched a movie," said Josh, sounding bored.

"I'd rather not get into it," said Ashley, looking out the window.

Translation: crappy weekend. Oh well. In any case, no more words were exchanged, and so we drove off to work...

One work day later...

To hell with work. Seriously.

"Another day, another dollar," said Ashley as we got into Mel's car.

"Yup," said Josh, sighing. "Can we... do we HAVE to go home so soon?"

"Why?" Asked Mel, looking surprised.

"I dunno," said Josh. "I mean, can't we do something fun?"

"Josh, it's Monday," said Ashley with an exasperated look on her face. "We've got WORK tomorrow, remember?"

"Yeah," he said, sighing. "Sorry, that was just me not thinking."

Something's up with him.

"Everything OK, Josh?" I asked him, but he just smiled and shrugged it off.

As usual, I was the first to be dropped off. I greeted Tony, who was AGAIN glued to his laptop, Kyle was glued to his Nintendo, and Shawna was glued to her phone. I sighed and went to the master bedroom, fully intending on texting Angie. That's when I got a text from Josh, which was unusual because he and I never message each other.

"I'm NOT OK," he texted. "Truth is, I've got a foot out of my marriage already. I've even slept with someone else."

"OH MY GOD," I replied, covering my mouth. "How could you?"

"I'd like to not be judged by the only person I've shared this with, thanks," he texted. "You have no idea what it's like to be married to someone like Amy. She's always snooping around my phone, always getting into my laptop, always pressing me about my day. I've had it."

"But why cheat?" I typed.

"Because, for a brief moment, I wasn't thinking of Amy anymore," he replied. "It was just me and Vanessa."

That must be the woman he cheated with.

"I get that it's shocking," he wrote. "But honestly, I hope you can try to understand me."

"Why tell me all this?" I asked.

"Because you won't tell Amy," he replied. "She hates your guts; she legit thinks you're my lover."