Love after Life

One day at a time

"Morning," I said to Mel as I climbed into the backseat of her car. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good," Mel replied, looking a bit uncomfortable. "By the way, Josh ain't coming in to work today; something about dealing with his wife?"

Sounds like Vanessa went through with her plans after all.

"Sooo," Mel began, and I noticed Ashley looked a bit uncomfortable. "You should know, there's a rumor circulating at the office."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Several, actually," Ashley said. "Some about you."

"Go on," I said, knowing where this was going.

"Some people are saying they saw you down at the motel," Mel said. "You know the one..."

"I was there, yeah," I said nonchalantly. "Tony and I are, well, having an issue."

My infidelity. That's the issue.

"Shoot," Ashley said in a whisper. "But since you're back home, I take it it's solved?"

"We're getting there," I said. "One day at a time."

A silence filled the car for a few minutes.

"Why'd you do it?" Asked Ashley, keeping her eyes on the road.

"The best answer I can give you is stupidity," I replied. "Stupidity and cowardice."

"Damn," said Mel, sounding surprised. "Was it Josh?"

"Ew, no way," I said. "Never liked Josh that way; matter of fact, I never liked him much at all."

"Me either," said Mel.

"Who was it, then?" Asked Ashley. "Someone we know?"

"No, I doubt you know her," I said, and I noticed Ashley's eyes widen.

At work...

I got three extra hours of work every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. It's a start. Until Tony gets a new job, I'll have to carry this burden.

It's twelve oh seven PM, and that means lunch time. I debated going to that same cafe I went that day, but the risk of running into Angie is too great. As awful as it is to admit it, a part of me still yearns for her. But I promised myself I'd do EVERYTHING it takes to help my family heal, and that includes never seeing Angie again...

To avoid an unpleasantness, I chose to eat what is known as a vending machine lunch. The office, amazingly, has one of those Tombstone brand vending machines that sell frozen meals that can then be heated in the internal microwave. It's pretty cool. I chose the deep dish pepperoni pizza. In five minutes, it was done.

"So did you hear?" Asked one of Josh's coworkers, who were buying drinks at the vending machine next to me. "Amy kicked Josh out of the house! Apparently, Josh's girlfriend texted her, sending her about a hundred screenshots of texts between Josh and the girlfriend!"

"Noway," said another gossipy coworker.

Consequences, boy.

"Yeah, I saw the Other Woman," said a third coworker. "I don't know what she saw in him, though; she had the looks of someone who really shouldn't be having ANY trouble finding a man!"

"Well, Josh isn't UGLY," said the first coworker. "I, for one, never thought him the unfaithful type."

I wonder, would anyone have said the same about me? Or was I the kind of woman who totally WOULD be the unfaithful type?

I texted Tony to see how he was doing. Seconds later, he texted me back.

"I've quit," he wrote. "It feels good."

"I'm happy for you," I wrote.

He didn't respond after that. I get it; he might still be hurting. This will take a good, long while...

MUCH later...

After a loooong day at work, I asked Tony to come pick me up from work. He arrived a few minutes after I called him.

"Hey," he said. "Good day?"

"Yeah," I replied. "You?"

"It was alright," he said. "I quit my job."

"How do you feel?"

"Honestly?" He said. "I went home soon after quitting, and I felt relieved. I didn't have to live that nightmare anymore, you know?"

"I'm glad for you, honey."

"And I took the time to walk around the house for a bit," he continued. "I made myself a lunch, and I even treated myself to a beer. I looked around our kids' bedrooms; did you know Kyle's games are rated M?"

"What's that mean?" I asked.

"Well apparently, they're pretty darn violent," he said. "And when I asked to watch him play, I was surprised to see he was playing a war game."

"A war game?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, with actual killing!" Tony said. "And apparently, there are other players online playing with him? Jesus Christ, the LANGUAGE they used! F-words all around, N-words, you name it!"

"Oh my GOD!" I exclaimed, feeling shocked and horrified.

"Yeah," Tony said. "So, I'm thinking that Kyle can't play those games anymore."

"I agree."

"Right," he said. "He's a bit upset, but he'll come around."

"Who the hell got him those games, anyway!?"

"Gabe," he said. "Gotta have a talk with him about this."

"Right," I said. "Jesus, I never expected Nintendo to-"

"It's not a Nintendo," said Tony. "It's an X-Box One."

"A what?"

"It was made by Microsoft," said Tony. "I was pretty surprised to hear they made game consoles."

"Shoot," I said. "Remember when it was either a Nintendo or a Sega?"

"I was never into video games," said Tony, shrugging. "I remember my little brother having a Sega, though."

"Mom never could afford one of those game systems," I said. "Just as well; I wasn't into that stuff, anyway. I preferred reading."

"I remember you telling me you wanted to be a writer," he chuckled. "Remember? You even had a whole book planned out!"

"That was so long ago..." I said with a sigh.

"What happened to that?" He asked.

"I got pregnant," I said, and suddenly the mood turned gloomy.

"Do you," he seemed to hesitate for a bit. "Regret-"

"NO!" I interrupted him, not letting him finish that sentence. "I love my daughter, AND my son!"

"Me too," he said. "But, let's be honest with ourselves; we gave up a LOT to have them."

"Doesn't matter," I quickly said.

"I'm just saying," he said, looking extra glum. "When I was at work, waiting for the goddamn codes to compile, I'd often daydream about... not living this life."

We'd arrived home by then. It was already almost nine in the evening. Neither of us got out of the car.

"Do YOU regret it?" I asked. I was surprised by how long he took to answer.

"When I'm at my lowest, I start thinking I might," he said. "But then last week happened, and it got me to thinking that my kids are all I have."

"What?"

"Look at me," Tony said, sighing. "I've been working a job that I HATED for too long. My wife is a lesbian. My dreams are dead and buried. All I have left is being a father."

My husband was hurting too much. I had to step up my game.

"Do you wanna try marriage counseling?" I asked.

"You crazy?" He asked. "Chrissy, you're gay. There's no changing that. There's... there's no fixing this..."

No... no, that couldn't be true...