Love after Life

Karma

My husband came right on time for dinner, but my heart sank as soon as he entered the door. He had this look to him, one that just screamed "I'm defeated."

"Honey, you OK?" I asked him, feeling my heart suddenly begin to race.

"Kids?" He called out as he sat on our sofa in front of the coffee table. "Your Uncle Gabe is outside; go hang out with him, OK?"

"What for?" Asked Shawna as she and Kyle came downstairs.

"Your mother and I need to talk in private, and it's gonna be a long talk," he said, giving me a quick glance. "So, uh, yeah. Give us around, a couple hours? Yeah, two or three hours."

"Tony?" I asked, feeling worried. "Is everything OK?"

He looked at me for a second, then signaled for our kids to leave. As they left, he stood up and went to the window, as if he really didn't want them to be here for whatever he needed to tell me.

"They're gone," he said, and I noticed his body began to tense up. "So Gabe's friend fixed your phone."

"Oh?" I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Yup," he said, taking my phone out of his pocket. "Did a system reboot, which..."

Oh no...

"Which," he seemed to struggle to find the words. "Which restored the chats you deleted."

It's happened. I've been caught. My eyes began to sting, my hands began to shake, and my heart began to tear itself apart. My lips trembled, and my knees wobbled.

"So," he began, his voice sounding hoarse, as if he were still holding everything in. He wouldn't even look at me. "Got anything to say?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It was a mistake."

"A what?" Tony chuckled a bit. "A mistake? Chrissy, forgetting to add a semi-colon in your line of code is a mistake. Putting too much salt on your fries is a mistake. Forgetting to put gas in the car after driving it is a mistake, but something like THIS-"

He tossed the phone to me; the chats I had with Angie were right there, on screen.

"That's not a mistake," he said, and I could hear his voice start to crack. His hands were tightening into fists, but still he wouldn't turn around to face me. "There's too many steps to call it a mistake."

"I know," I said, my tears falling freely down my face. "Tony, I'm so sorry..."

"Just," he began, and I noticed his whole body was trembling. "Just tell me why."

"I don't know," I said, falling to my knees. "Baby, I don't know why-"

"Oh, you don't know?" He began to chuckle very bitterly. "Well, what else is there to say?"

"Tony?"

"Tell me, was it easy for you?" He asked, finally turning to face me. His face was drenched with tears, his eyes were dull and lifeless, and he looked so tired. "Was cheating on me easy for you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"When you were doing... THAT," he said as he pointed at my phone, referring to my cybersex sessions. "Was it easy for you to forget about me? Was it easy for you to not think about how what you were doing might be wrong? Was it easy for you to... do THAT while I was literally a couple feet away from you, fast asleep!?"

I had no answer.

"YOU GOT A KICK OUT OF THAT, DIDN'T YOU!?" He suddenly roared, and in his voice I could hear all the pain and heartache he was experiencing in that moment. "You got a kick out of doing THAT while I was right there! Right!?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "It's nothing like that, I..."

"Then what else could it be!?" He said, as he started sobbing.

"It was," I gulped, but then the word vomit started coming out. "I was curious at first, and I felt like you and me were drifting apart, and she was right there, and...and... it got out of hand..."

"Oh, it got out of hand?" He chuckled while still crying. "That's your excuse? It got out of hand? Chrissy, what the actual FUCK!?"

"I'm sorry," I said, crying. "I don't know how to explain it. I just...I felt so FREE with her, you know? She made me feel so WANTED, like-"

"So it was just sex between you two?" He asked, slumping down on the couch. "Or was it sex and love?"

"There was no sex," I said, wiping my tears. "Just... what you saw, that was the extent it went."

"Bull!" He exclaimed. "You think I believe you!?"

"It's the truth, I swear!"

"I..." he finally let himself sob freely. "I don't believe you. I can't believe you."

"Tony, I'm so sorry," I repeated myself.

"I don't believe that either," he said, sobbing. "I... I can't even look at you right now."

"Baby, please," I said to him, but he just stood up and began walking to our bedroom. "Honey, I know I screwed up! I'm sorry!"

"You were sexting her right beside me!" He yelled, his voice filled with agony. "You were sexting her while your family was at CHURCH!"

"I know, and I'm sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" He yelled, sobbing. "Sorry doesn't erase what you did! Sorry... sorry isn't gonna turn back time and undo what you did..."

"I know," I said, crying.

"Get out," he said as he closed the door to our bedroom. "Get the hell out of my house, woman!"

"What?"

"I want you gone!" He roared. "I don't want you here anymore, got me!?"

"Baby, please don't kick me out!" I begged. "Where will I go?"

"Stay at your mom's!" Roared Tony, but I could still sense his sadness.

"What about our kids?" I asked between sobs. "Think about our family!"

"WHY!?" He asked, his voice fully breaking down. "You didn't!"

And as much as it killed me to admit it, he was right. He was one hundred million percent right to say that, when I was having cybersex with Angie, I didn't think about my family. And as much as it pains me, I knew what was happening to me in this moment was justified.

This is karma.