Love after Life

A late discovery

"So tell me about your non-date yesterday," I said to Angie as we both sat at the park that Sunday afternoon.

"Well, I was about to get ready, right?" She began, chuckling a bit as she told the story. "I was deciding what to wear, whether casual or something slightly fancy, when suddenly I get a text. I quickly picked it up, thinking it was you texting me."

"Heh, you flatterer," I said, bopping her on the shoulder.

"Anyway," she said, smiling. "It turned out it wasn't you, it was my would-be date. She admitted to me the only reason she even agreed with Sam to go was to get Sam off her case about her love life."

"Oh wow," I said, feeling a bit sad. "The poor girl; was she the type to have trouble finding dates?"

"Sam explained to me that she's had really bad luck with men," Angie continued. "So she figured she'd have better luck with women."

"I'm assuming the roommate is into women, then?" I asked.

"She'd have to be," I said. "That, or Sam thinks I'm manly looking."

"Trust me, you're not," I said, grinning at her. "No way, beautiful. You're too gorgeous to be confused for a man."

"Heh, thanks," she said, blushing. "Anyway, the roommate texted me to apologize, saying that she's just not the type to date women due to her religious upbringing."

"Shoot," I said, my eyes wide and horrified. "Poor girl."

"Yeah," Angie said. "I hope she finds happiness someday. Nobody deserves to hold themselves back to appease bigots."

"Agreed," I said, sighing. Then I had a little chuckle. "My cousin's in love with a lesbian."

"Really?" Angie asked, beaming. "Did she ask her out?"

"My cousin's a guy," I said, pressing my lips.

"Oh," she said, turning away a bit. "Does he-"

"He's given up a long time ago," I said, sighing. "But he won't move on."

"I get it," she said, turning to me. "I'd find it hard to move on from you..."

"Same," I said, holding her hand. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes. I decided to change the subject. "Did you ever get to find out what the roommate looked like?"

"Uhhh," Angie looked a little nervous. "I did. There's a picture of her online, but trust me, you don't wanna see it."

"Sure I do!" I replied. "Come on, I'm not jealous! I can handle it!"

With a sigh, Angie took out her phone, typed something in it, then a few seconds later showed me a picture of a gorgeous blonde wearing a bikini. No, really, this woman was the type who'd turn heads no matter where she was, no matter what she wore. She had blue eyes, a fit body, long blonde hair that reached her back, perky lips...

"Paige Thompson, aged twenty four," I read the mini biography, noticing my voice had a bit of an edge to it. "Professional model for Taft Modeling Agency, specializes in swimsuits and lingerie. This beauty from Delaware is the type of girl who'd never settle for less than the best..."

"Yeah," Angie winced.

"Boy," I said, forcing myself a chuckle. "Guess I was lucky she didn't show up; no way could I ever compete with her."

"You'd never have to," she said, taking her phone back. "You've already won."

"Heh," I said, laughing to hide my embarrassment, and my happiness. "You're a little mushy sometimes."

"Guess so," she grinned as she rubbed the back of her head. "Hey, before me, did you ever show interest in any other girls?"

"Nah," I said, shrugging. "I wasn't popular in school, and I was too shy to ask girls to play with me. Tony's always been the outgoing guy."

"Damn," she said.

"He'd been very persistent pursuing me," I said, smiling at the memory. "So, at age twelve, when everyone else was starting to notice boys, I relented, and we've been together since."

"Uh," she began. "When everyone ELSE was noticing boys?"

"Yeah," I said, shrugging. "Honestly, Tony's the only guy I've ever had eyes for, just like you're the only-"

"And Cindy Landolt," she said, grinning.

"OK, I'll admit she made me a bit flustered," I said, laughing.

"So, the lesbian your cousin's in love with, ever met her?" She asked.

"Oh, I have!" I said, smiling. "She's GORGEOUS, really! She's got this long red hair, a thin face, a svelte figure, but she has this air about her like she doesn't care what people think, she's unapologetically herself, you know? Like she EXUDES confidence in herself and what she is, and won't apologize for it!"

"I see," she said, nodding. "Your cousin's not the only one who's into her, it seems."

"Whaaaat?" I asked, sounding a bit shocked. "Me? Nooo, I'm not-"

Oh, shoot, yes I am. I'm totally into women.

"I mean, OK, I'm into women, too, but," I tried to think of something. "Uh..."

Angie gave me that saucy look that pretty much said "gotcha."

"OK," I said, sighing. "I admit it; I think she's very attractive. Happy?"

"Do, uh, I have anything to worry about?" She asked, losing her smile for a bit.

"Honey, if you, her, and that model that was supposed to date you yesterday were vying for my attention right now, I'd pick you," I said, staring into her eyes. "You don't have any competition to worry about; you've won."

We smiled at each other, but then she pulled away, sighing.

"No I haven't," she said, tears in her eyes. "I've already lost to him."

A little while later, she left for her home, and though I had hoped she'd invite me, she didn't. I get it; she was hurt because, well... I'm not single. I'm married. To a man. A man that, the more I thought about it, the less attraction I felt for him. Was I ever REALLY attracted to him?

That night, after Tony had fallen asleep, I took out my phone and went to the bathroom. I thought about texting Angie, but I knew she'd be asleep at that moment. Instead, I decided to see for myself if I truly felt attracted to men.

I first thought about what kind of guy I'd find attractive, but couldn't think of any. Then I decided to just type in "most handsome man in the world." A few names popped up: Jason Momoa, Chris Hemsworth, John Cena, Omar Borkan... I looked them up, and only Omar Borkan made me gasp. I then wondered what Tony would look like if he had a beard that was as neatly groomed as Omar's.

Then I looked up pictures of women. I looked up Cindy Landolt first, then I clicked on the women Google automatically suggested for me. Sandy Riddell, Kiki Vhyce, Vivi Winkler... I soon found myself masturbating to all these women. And it wasn't the boring, just-to-get-it-over-with types I usually had; I was legit enjoying myself!

I... I might be a lesbian. Had I known, I'd never have gotten together with Tony...