Idolised Lies

Chapter 28: Final Light

TW: depressing thoughts
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"Ruby, how many times am I gonna have to repeat it, raise your arms,"  Pencil said through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry Pencil, really," Ruby nodded solemnly.

"Sorry doesn't cut it, especially not after your pathetic performance last week," Pencil snapped.

"I just have some stuff on my mind, it won't happen again, I swear," Ruby said, smiling weakly as she reached her pinky out.

"Get out of my face, little miss camera hog," Pencil snarled.

"Pencil, cut her some slack alright? She made one mistake it's not the end of the world," Lollipop said calmly.

Pencil stared in disbelief and scoffed as she looked at the other members.

"We can't afford mistakes and I seem to be the only one that sees it, that girl has made us a laughing stock online and I'm trying to salvage it,"

"Yes, yes and we're all very greatful but don't give her a hard time, alright?" Lollipop said, raising an eyebrow.

A tension hung in the air as people awkwardly drank their water, the end of a training session often had moments that Ruby and most of the members would rather not deal with.

In a group as popular as Free Heart, there was bound to be clashes especially with very rampant jealousy between the members.

...

Ruby stood outside the building, texting her driver so she could be picked up and she felt the gentle breeze cool her warm skin.

Things have been so...much lately, everything has felt so distant but stressful at the same time she she had no idea what to do.

She had made a mistake at a concert, messed up a few notes and didn't do a few moves properly.

This did not go unnoticed by fans.

People were making edits and jokes about her, within the Idol online community she was a laughing stock.

She had never felt worse about herself, she didn't want to read all the negative comments but something in her just wouldn't let her look away.

This couldn't be what her career was going to turn out like, she was stronger than this, she was a role model, she couldn't fail.

She'd left her family behind, she had left Firey behind, so many things were now gone and she would never he able to have it back the way that it was.

It couldn't have all been for nothing.

She was Free Heart's most popular member and by a lot, she had modeling gigs and events that other Idols would kill for.

There was potential for her to be number one, she couldn't let it slip away.

But she knew, deep down that she was already cracking.

She shook her head, as though that would clear her thoughts and she took a sip of her water.

Looking down at her hands she saw she was shaking and she realised how cold she felt and a wave of fear and dread washed over her.

Why was she feeling like this? How could she make it stop? She didn't like it.

She had an empty feeling in her stomach that made her feel nauseous, like a vastness that got deeper and deeper.

Her heart was beating too quickly, her thoughts were racing, everything was going too fast, her breathing couldn't keep up.

In and out.