Idolised Lies

Chapter 32: Cutting Ties

It wasn't the most enjoyable of activities but for the next couple of weeks, Firey went about his business and anything he needed to take care of.

He used any random vouchers he had, going to coffee shops he would never normally frequent, he stopped his phone bill and did a deep clean of his apartment and many other things that he wouldn't usually do.

Nowadays he just wanted to stay at home and block out the irritating noises of the day to day but he couldn't, there was just too much to do.

Butter accompanied him most places, barking non stop if Firey dared not to pick up his leash when he was getting ready to leave.

They were standing at a bus stop and the bus was delayed, Butter stood up and began walking around to stretch his little legs, Firey watched, slightly amused as the fluffy dog did a full body shake.

But to Firey's surprise, Butter moved and started barking, his tail wagging quickly from side to side.

"What's up, buddy?" Firey asked, looking around the corner of the bus stop.

When he saw what Butter was barking at, he felt tired and bored.

It was an advertisement for a new sport clothing line from some company, nothing major.

Except Leafy was the model they had chosen for it

Her smile was just as heart breaking as ever, all glammed up and glimmering and absolutely perfect.

She looked so bubbly and bouncy, memories of the photo shoot he had attended with her came back to him.

It was painful to remember that she had once been "his" and that smile used to he directed at him.

But he used to get a different smile, didn't he? He got a smaller, sweeter one.

He got her real smile.

Sighing outwardly, Firey blinked back tears as he gentle brought Butter away from the poster.

How could he mess up so badly? How could he have been such an idiot?

He had been blinded by how hurt he felt after losing Ruby, feeling betrayed by her and the world, he didn't care about who he hurt in return.

If he had just stopped to think, maybe none of it would have happened, maybe he could have gotten over it somehow and still stayed with Leafy.

Immaturity and mourning had messed with his mind, as well as anger and jealousy over a girl he hadn't even known.

How horrible do you have to be to harm someone you don't know?

Firey stared at his reflection in the dirty glass pane on the walls of the bus shelter.

He hated what he saw.

He hated who he was.

He hated...himself.

Deep down, he had felt this way for a long time but hadn't told anyone nor really faced it.

He couldn't stand his reflection at the best of times but these last few weeks had been torture.

His body felt heavy and sick, he felt disgust whenever he saw it, he felt anger whenever he tried to feel pity himself, he felt empty when it would dawn on him that this was all he would ever be.

He hated himself, he was tired of just...being around.

...

Eventually the bus came, Firey sat Butter on his lap stroking his fur and Butter wagged his tail, staring at everything around him.