Dela Cuesta series #4:Mistaken Love

chapter twenty-two

I don't want to talk. Pagod na ako sa kanila.

I lazily fixed myself in front of the mirror. Nang makababa mula sa taas ay nakita ko pa si Mommy na abala sa mga pagkain na inihahain para sa breakfast nila.

Hindi ko na lang pinagtuunan ng pansin at diniretso ang daan papuntang maindoor.

Wala akong balak huminto kung hindi lang may mga braso ang pumigil sa paglalakad ko.

It was Mom. She was smiling, trying to ease the feeling of awkwardness but I didn't return the favor. Walang gana lang akong tumingin sa kaniya, sinunod na tiningnan ang lames at nakita si Kalliah at Daddy na tahimik kaming pinapanood.

"Kain ka muna, Calleah, anak," I almost lost it. I almost show them my sarcastic laugh when I heard that.

Really? She can call me her daughter, now? After everything? After all the pain that I felt and tried to heal on my own? Ngayon pa, kung kailan wala na akong pakielam?

"I'm full..." I pursed my lips and smiled thinly, before holding her hand that was clinging on my arm, I slowly removed it. "I have to go...I have papers that I needed to pass...nakakahiya naman kasi sa inyo kung magkaroon ako ng line of eight sa academic card, right?"

Wala itong nagawa kung hindi ang pakawalan ako. I don't want their sympathy. Pagod na pagod na ako sa kanilang lahat.

I did my best as a daughter but I don't think that they needed it and they see it, because honestly, kay Kalliah lang sila may pakielam. They won't mind if something if something bad happened to Calleah because she's not Kalli, the favorite one, the saintess.

I grinned sarcastically at that thought. In my eighteen years of existence, I just realized that fact...they will never care about me. They won't care what will I do in life. I realized how foolish I am to believed that they were just giving her attention because she fucking needs it!

Expressionless, I took clothes on my bag that I usually used. Red-laced bralette with small A-line miki-skirt, lumabas ako ng public comfort room na malapit lang sa pupuntahan ko.

I even wear heavy make-up that I usually dislike because apparently, I can't be seen as teen, so I needed to wear it to enter a pub.

Nang nakapasok sa pub ay wala pang masyadong tao, maliwanag at maluwag pa ang dance floor, there's one bartender that takes the order of few customers.

I saw one free high chair, so I took it, inilagay ko ang bag sa taas ng table.

The bartender watched me sit comfortably, probably asking why am I here this early!

"I need one bottle of your hardest drink, please," I order. The bartender was hesitant to give what I want but eventually, he give in.

Nawalan na ako ng pakialam sa lahat. My academics? Fuck it! Kung bumagsak, edi bumagsak! Why would I want validation from them? When they don't even give it, even when I aced all of my subjects in the past.

Walang masyadong tao sa loob ng pub, reason why the bartender has time to watch over me but I don't really care.

I chuckled as my eyes were on the glass I am holding, nakatuon ang ulo ko sa counter. I gulped and tried to erase all the thoughts and feelings that I have for them.

I should stop myself from getting hurt, ang ginagawa ko na lang dapat ay magsaya at magwalwal, like how William will say it.

"Ma'am, okay lang po ba kayo?" hindi na yata nakatiis ang bartender at nagtanong na.

Nang maramdaman ang pag-ikot ng paningin, I hurriedly stood up, muntik-muntikan na akong matumba, but thanks to the high bar counter, napigilan ang katawan ko.