The Color Of You

Chapter 4

Something clearly changed within you after that day at Natasha and Wanda's home, and you struggled with your thoughts and reactions around them. So it came more naturally to you to avoid them completely and focus on your studies. You had learned from your past mistakes and made sure to prioritize proper meals and adequate sleep, and to distract yourself, you resumed meeting up with Yelena almost daily. You also made an effort to join Kate at various small gatherings to meet new people. While you still felt uncomfortable in larger groups, you were fortunate that Kate didn't mind your company.

So it wasn't really a surprise that it had been a few weeks since you last saw Natasha and Wanda. Yelena had on several occasions extended an invitation to their house, mentioning that Natasha had asked about your absence. However, you had found a knack for finding excuses to avoid them. You weren't ready to confront whatever strange feelings you felt around Natasha, especially considering she was married to what you believed to be the most beautiful and caring woman you had ever met except for Natasha herself.

This is why you found yourself agreeing to a date with James, a guy who lived in the same building as you and Kate, who had persistently asked you out. You couldn't quite understand why you'd said yes to his invitation to a movie night, but perhaps it was the enthusiasm that Yelena had shown about his interest in you that played a role. Or maybe you were just deceiving yourself, thinking that being more like Kate and Yelena, who had their own relationships, would make things easier. It might be simpler to have a boyfriend, even if the thought of being in any kind of relationship, especially with James, made you cringe. Nevertheless, you had made up your mind to give it a try.

The movie was anything but good, but James, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the explosions on the screen and the racing sports cars. While he was engrossed in the movie, you spent your time counting down the minutes until you could return home. You came to the conclusion that dating was just as underwhelming and boring as you had expected.

"So, did you like the movie?" James asked as you walked down the street towards the dorms.

"Not really my kind of thing, but there were a few good parts, I guess," you replied, keeping your tone light as you strolled along the sidewalk.

"Ah, I see. Well, next time, you can pick the movie, if you'd like," he suggested, glancing down at you with a hopeful smile.

You averted your eyes, trying to think of an excuse but ended up saying, "Sure."

Inside, you felt like screaming, once again ignoring your own feelings to avoid hurting someone else.

"Great. Want to hang out after this? We could watch another movie in my room," he suggested, and you frowned, staring at the ground.

"I'm pretty tired, so I'll have to take a rain check," you replied hesitantly, having no desire to spend more time with him that evening.

"Yeah, okay, no problem," he responded quickly. You glanced at him, curious about his thoughts. But his face was blank as he kept his gaze on the sidewalk, and once more, you felt out of place, wondering if dates were supposed to feel this awkward.

When you reached your front door, he leaned in for a kiss on your cheek. Instead of the fireworks and racing heartbeat you expected, you felt nothing. His beard scratched your cheek, and his scent felt out of place as his lips touched your skin. You mustered a tight-lipped smile, then quickly opened the door, waving at him before shutting it.

You let out a sigh of relief, resting your head against the door with a groan. This was not how you had imagined the night would go. Staggering over to the bed, you felt the evening had turned into a complete disaster. There had been no spark when he took your hand at the movies, and you had no desire to see him again. Another exasperated groan slipped from your lips as you turned to the side of your bed, rubbing your temples.